Wednesday, June 20, 2012

5 celebs you wouldn't want to get in a fist fight with

Planning a fist fight with a celebrity this weekend? Before you tape up your fists, make sure you give this list a quick once over, just so you don't end up in traction for messing with the wrong one...


Barry Hall - This former AFL player is reknowned for two things 1) being harder than Wolverine's Adamantium skeleton and 2) punching Brent Strakers head so hard it actually flew all over the world collecting stamps on its cheeks in leiu of a passport before reattatching itself to his neck.
It happened 4 years ago and word on the street was that Brent woke up last week and asked who won the Gulf War. The reason why Barry decided on some in field dentistry? He was frustrated by umpires.

I get that too but I've never uppercutted my plasma tv. (Although when 'Up late with Hot Dogs' was on I was sorely tempted..)

It's not the first time former junior boxer Big Bad Barry from Broadford has let his fists (and the occasional headlock) do the talking - just ask any of the following about getting hit by the steam train: Scott Thompson, Shane Wakelin, Matt Macguire and Sam McFarlane (although considering he broke poor Sam's jaw in three places, maybe you don't need to remind him of Barry's actions..)


Buzz Aldrin - Good ole Buzz likes the following things: Being known as the second man ever to set foot on the moon, walking on the moon, talking about the moon, the moon, cheese that looks like the moon, space in general, reminiscing about being an astronaut, watching the Right Stuff when it appears on tv and being a national hero.

Buzz doesn't like: People who beleive the moon landing was faked. So much so that when confronted by someone who honestly beleived it was a setup from the word go, Buzz clocked him. Yep, he threw a fist that could propell the next Apollo mission.

What's more awesome than the fact that you've been punched by a national American hero? The fact that Buzz was 78 years old at the time. Picture your Grandfather throwing haymakers in the old folks home: You're about 10% of the way of discovering how awesome Buzz really is.


Johnny Knoxville: We guess if you're a member of Team Jackass and become famous for doing stupid stuff and taking lots and lots of damage in the process for general amusement, getting caught the the middle of a bar room barney wouldn't be much of a thing. It certainly wasn't for Jackass member Johnny Knoxville who not only ended up getting stabbed in it, he hung around for last call before seeking medical attention!

According to The Frisky -  "The hospital was, like, a half a mile away but [my friends] made a succession of wrong right turns and it took me an hour and a half to get there," he remembers fondly.

Pick a fight with Johnny and you'll lose automatically as nothing you'll come up with will leave any lasting damage..


Oliver Reed: While it's technically impossible for Oliver Reed to actually challenge you to anything involving fisticuffs (on account of him being deceased and all) I figured that if I didn't put him in this list, he would come back to life and throttle me in my sleep all while cleaning out my drinks cabinet.

Reed's drinking prowess was nothing short of legendary including a night of 'Reed and 36 friends drinking in one evening: 60 gallons of beer, 32 bottles of Scotch, 17 bottles of gin, four crates of wine, and one bottle of babycham...' and if you thought that would get him in trouble, you couldn't be more right if we cut you in half and threw away your left side.  According to wikipedia Reed's face had been scarred 10 years previously during a 1963 bar fight after which he received 63 stitches and was in danger of having his film career terminated in his 20s.

Thankfully his film career did continue but so did his drinking exploits and he was often irritated when asked to go on chat shows to talk more about how much he could put away instead of his current film work.

The man could drink for an army, the man could brawl. If the dead ever walk the earth again and Reed's amongst them, then I'm moving to Mars.


Bjork: Last but definately not least we leave you with Triple I: Icelandic, inspirational to some, insane to many more.

While she probably won't knuckle up when the bartender announcers last drinks, she will however go off like a rabid wolverine if you're a reporter who asks her something she doesn't like (including 'what's the time, do you like cheese or who's going to win the footy Bjork?').

You can see her lose her Icelandic cool here

It' you hound her for four days and she beats the crap out of you.)


Post a Comment