Sunday, March 17, 2013

Drifting around in the Facebook dump truck

I've had an epiphany today - most of the status updates in my Facebook news feed are simply godawful and simply don't deserve their spot on my all important Facebook real estate.

What a waste of time that was even copying and pasting that.

God only knows why it's taken me only, I dunno, a billion years to figure this amazing piece of info but I'm all over it now. Therefore I have dubbed today Facebook Dump truck day, where all the rubbish statuses get a visit from myself, the invisible dump truck and the heavy handed hammering of the unsubscribe button. I feel that no only have I de-cluttered my social life, it also allows a lot more posts of turbos I'll never buy and genuinely funny updates to fill their space.

And in my kindhearted ways, I've also come up with a guide on what kind of posts should land in the back of the truck, in case you feel the need to borrow the keys sometime to stop the idiots from taking over the Facebook asylum.
All aboard!
No need to thank me, just read on:


I've just unsubscribed from the following and it's made my Facingbook experience 22.5% better!

People who flood you with sports updates from teams you don't follow. Or codes you don't follow. Or if you don't follow any sport at all.

Is he? Bully for him!

Negative Nancies, Wilma Whinges and anyone who can't see the light at the end of the tunnel no matter how many brightly lit trains you throw down there:

Boy howdy, they sure are!

Food photographers. Seriously, I'm not interested in what you eat unless you're cooking it for me, which you're not so please stop. Masterchef has finished, enough already.

So where is mine?

Duck Faces. Self explanatory.

Attention seekers. Amusing for the first couple of updates but goes completely off the rails from there:

Ignored and moved on.

The Constant Selfier - once you've seen one selfie, you've seen them all. Unless it's with nudity, in which you've probably come close to seeing it all so far anyway...


Doomsayers. If it's shared on Facebook then it must be incredibly accurate, surely?

Rat pee 2013
Rabid reposters. This basically sums them up:

And finally, SPONSORED POSTS. I couldn't give a fat rats clacker which of my friends love the taste of chocolate milk. Knowing who drinks Big M daily will never be a question on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and it's not breaking news unless there's a horrific accident and the coroner can't seem to work out what milky substance they last consumed.
And even then, armed with this knowledge, I still wouldn't care enough to pass it on...

Having unsubscribed to all the above, I can happily report that Facebook has once again returned to it's happy, amusing and fun ways. Try it yourself and let me know if it's the same for you!


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