Today I proved without a shadow of a doubt that I have the maturity of a 13 year old school boy with a Playboy collection longer than his arm (and I'm okay with that, really).
How did I prove this though?
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| Hello Cowboy! |
By finding a book in a bric and brac store downtown whose cover maybe me almost chortle myself silly in amusement.
I give to you - the Penetrator...
Yep, the Penetrator. An early 90's (well this one was, earlier series suggests the 70s) book about a manly man with zero fashion sense who infiltrates gangs, mobs, collectives, whoever and kills people in pulp adventures.
What made me almost lose my shiznit was the fact that for the lowly price of only $3.50, I could get not one...but TWO adventures of this bloke who looks like a washed out Freddy Mercury camping it up with various firearms.
Yes, my completely immature brothers and sisters, it's a twin serving of Mr Penetrator aka a DOUBLE PENETRATOR - a fact which is proudly emblazoned on the spine:
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| These bullets are fabulous! |
Double your PENETRATOR action! Oh god what am I saying...
Now I'm sure the original intention of this wonderful cover back in 1991 was 'Make this guy look like an action superstar and the wrong bad ass mother to mess with' and back then, it's probably worked.
Hilariously in 2013 though it's now more like 'Captain Jazz hands performs the hot shoe shuffle in acid wash while shooting up the place at your over forties local drag night' - and with a massive PENETRATOR in cool 90's metallic on the left, you just know that his firearm is not the only thing he's hoping to shoot off.
The covers get better too - this is the book I found at the Borough Bric N Brack that made me sad I didn't have a spare three and a half dollars to make an awful present for someone - More PENETRATOR!
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| Oooh, naughty cowboy! |
Yep, the man named after a horrific sounding sex implement is slightly miffed that he's been caught mid mince and retaliates the best way he knows: with death, a crossdresser and exploding silos. Amazing.
And if you thought that was homoerotic, check out Mr Trators earlier work - the further you go back, the more gay overtones you find!
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| Rarrr, wait to I catch you Penetrator! |
So in a story about 'Man sport' we have a nasty man with a big weapon, a happy bear and good ole Penetrator and his porn star mo with a firm grip on his spear... If that shocked woman wasn't on the cover than these books would probably be only found in 'special' stores with saloon doors leading to the back section (which is probably the plot line to another Penetrator story...)
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| Possibly racist? Probably horrendously awful. |
And what about this one? What the hell is going on here? Shoulder spasm or attempted pimp slap (literally)? Has the woman in red just had a brush with the Penetrator and now can't walk right for a week?
And who the hell has a bunsen burner in their bedroom??
(Oh god, I've just noticed the Penetrator's name is actually Mark Hardin. Surely that's the closest the author could get to 'Hard on' before even the anything goes publishers of the time suddenly went 'Hey...wait a minute...')
Campy unintentionally homoerotic 70's publishing at its finest that makes me giggle like an idiot. I know what I'll be getting various family members for Christmas this year!
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