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Flashback: 5 ways to impress Ke$ha - a helpful guide

In today's June Flashback we harp back to a time when attempting to impress Kesha/Ke$sha was all the rage...



Current outdated Ke$ha impress techniques failing to fire? Not sure what will be the 'deal clincher' when it comes to getting Ke$ha's attention? Going to be stuck in a situation where a handy guide to impressing singer Ke$ha might actually be useful? Well you're in luck my star struck fan - here's 5 ways you can gain her attention, impress her at the same and hopefully spark up a conversation*

Currently unimpressed - quick, read the guide!

*Once potential conversation has started, you're on your own.
 
5. CHANGE YOUR NAME TO 'HANNIBAL'

Ke$ha's last two album names are 'Animal' and 'Cannibal'. Eliminating non favorable options such as 'Terrible' and 'God awful' (what about 'Land Mammal?)', she really doesn't have too many options left come album naming time. By legally changing your name to sound similar to Dr Lectors first name, you'll not only inspire her next album, you'll probably also feature on a track as well.*

This bloke is a big fan


*About alcohol, undoubtedly.

4. ACTUALLY CARE WHAT HER MIDDLE NAME IS

According to Wikipedia, it's 'Rose'. Rose. Remember this and you're ahead of the pack. She says she knows you don't care what her middle name is (Rose) but here's your chance to prove her wrong. Impressive!

3. ANNOY P DIDDY

There are two people who wake up in the morning, feeling like P Diddy. One is Ke$ha, who apparently has the ability to wake up as 41 year old male black rapper and the other is 41 year old male black rapper, P Diddy himself. Now unless your name happens to start with P and your surname is amazingly 'Diddy', the chances of you waking up like either Ke$ha or Sean Combs is truly slim.

However if you cut out the middle man (and words) to the lyrics 'Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy' down to the much more manageable 'Wake up P Diddy', you're in with a shot of truly impressing one of the two people who wake up like that. How you do that is entirely up to you but we suggest that as soon as P Diddy is awake, unless you're well known to him, run. You may have an issue with his mansions security on route to waking Mr Combs but don't let that stop you.

(Waking him with breakfast and a glass of Hennessey might stave off the beating by the bodyguards for a few moments at least.)

2. LET HER FEATURE WITH YOU

Song + other artist appearance = chart climber. And Ke$ha will jump at any chance to be featured on pretty much any song. Just ask 3OH3, Taio Cruz, Flo Rida, Drake, Katy Perry, everyone really - they all have songs feat Ke$sha. So create a song, any song really, any style, give it a name and invite her to be featured on it. It doesn't matter if you make the song or not, just the fact that you've invited her to be part of it is enough to score Ke$ha impressed brownie points.

Almigo feat Ke$ha - The opening of a letter. Radio ratings gold!

No idea who this is but she's ready to sing with Ke$ha


Which of course leaves tip number...

1. BRUSH YOUR TEETH WITH THIS:



We all know that Ke$ha is beyond tooth decay, gingivitis and other mouth diseases as she's proudly proclaimed to brushing her teeth with a bottle of Jack Daniels. This has undoubtedly led to millions of fans ditching the fluoride and picking up some Kentucky sour mash instead. Apart from the obvious health ramifications of brushing your teeth (not to mention the hazards of having a belt of bourbon for breakfast) with Jack, there's the fact that now JD is so commonplace, you will no longer stand out of the bourbon brushing crowd.

Unless your mouthwash of choice is 16 year old Hirsch reserve, a $300 a pop lady killing mash of bourbon goodness. Pop that next to your toothbrush and with a bit of luck, Ke$ha will pop hers next to yours..

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