Tuesday, January 13, 2015

So much junk email, so much fun to be had by all

Once upon a time I had a Gmail account that I used for everything. Communication with family, subscribing to news services I never actually got round to reading, singing up to every single offer under the sun, reading dumb jokes, you name it, it was in there.

Eventually I started a new one for personal communications and only used the original address for signing up for websites and wasting scammers times by making them jump through hoops for zero rewards (it's actually quite fun providing you take steps to protect your personal info). In the background it sits, still collecting spam, offers, news and god knows what else and it's been doing this for years.

Occasionally like today, I like to go for a root around to see if it's caught any gold - here's what I learnt after a brief jaunt through the pile this morning..


I’M A BIG HIT OVERSEAS...WELL I THINK I AM

Case in point, the email I received in Portuguese:

Como estás?
Quase sem querer falei de ti,
e aqui estou a desejar-te um fds.
bjinho,
nanda

(Thankfully Gmail has a built in translator)

The l MIGO Alexander
How are you?
Almost unwittingly told you,
and here I am to wish you a weekend.
bjinho,
nanda

Google Image Search shows me this is what Nanda looks like.

Hey look, I’ve been wished a weekend! That must be good..I think. Thanks Nanda!

Additionally someone from Croatia thinks my name is Goran and sent me a picture:

Dear Goran
As I promised I am sending you a text in which 1961 years writing about Mitar Both Spasoje
I hope that I will see you soon
Sincerely Bane

I don't know if I should be happy or afraid.

Er...thanks Bane!

SCAM EMAILS HAVE GOTTEN LAZIER

Seriously, back in the day I had so many princes of Nigeria emailing me daily with offers of untold riches and they all included incredible stories of generousness, coupled with pictures of dapper royalty obviously stolen from somewhere else. Nowadays I get an attachment (which I never open due to the possibility of viruses) with a one line instruction to ‘read the attachment’.
No. Go back to the amusing stories of how the military has killed everyone you trust and you need the help of a 34 year radio announcer a million miles away to somehow get you out and become richer in the process.

EVERYONE WANTS ME TO WORK FOR THEM

They obviously recognize talent then – look at this bank breaking offer:

Job Descriptions:

1. You will be assigned to visit a shop.
2. You need to "pretend" to be a normal potential customer who is looking for a particular service or product.
3. You will then finish an on-line questionnaire to share with us your customer experience.

Requirements:

1. 18 Years old or above.
2. Can speak local language well.
3. Can read and write English.
4. No experience needed Like Shopping.

Job pay:

1. You will get $200 for each assignment.
2. Most of the time you will only need to spend 20 minutes on the visit.

Give me your information for register ;
1. Name :
2. Genders & Ages :
3  Physical A_ddress :
4. Citys / States / Countrys :
5. Zip Codes :
6. Phones :
7. O.c.c.u.p.a.t.i.o.n :
8. E-Mail :

Thank you for the participation.

Regards,
Rodge Brenn
MS-Recruitment
Greet America, Inc

GIS: Rodge Brenn. He wants to make me filthy rich!

(And the email starts with Tech-support@ - so it must be legit! $200 for 20 minutes work? Sign me up baby!)

I AM ALSO A MEMBER OF WHAT EXACTLY?

It seems I am a member of some page called TWOO and I just got a message:

Leu, Marco Tacconi and Henz added you as a contact on Twoo and want to connect.

Yay, I’m on Twoo! Now could someone please explain to me exactly what that means?


I'M STILL A BIG HIT WITH THE LADIES

Better not tell the wife then that I'm still in demand:

G'day! Howdy?

Thanks for your message on the friendfinding site meetic.com. I am sorry, I am mailing you only
today. Can you tel me your name? I'm interested in getting to know you! I am searching for friends in
Oz for meeting in real. I'll arrive there in 20 days.

My name's Ramilya. I live in Ukraine. I'm a cute and nice girl.

Write me if you want to see more my pictures besides this one, I'll send you some. And of
course, I'll be extremely glad to get if you send me your pics and some facts about you!

Sorry, I write you a short mail. I will write you a good mail next time!

I'll be waitng for your reply!

Cordially,

Rami.

Google suggests this is 'Rami'. Something seems a bit fishy here..

WIZARDS, MAGES, WARLOCKS, WITCH DOCTORS AND SHAMANS NOW ADVERTISE VIA EMAIL

I wonder if this guy can fix a minor leak on the Stagea?

DR.KAMIRU A TRADITIONAL HEALER: ,

Please Don't Ignore This Message, i was send by the great Spell Spirit to help you!

 1. Bring back lost lover, even if lost for a long time

 2. Removes **** spells from homes, business & customer attraction etc.

3. Get promotion you have desired for a long time at work or in your career.

4. Read all your problems before you even mention them to him

5. Remove the black spot that keeps on taking your money away

6. Find out why you are not progressing in life and the solution

7. Eliminate in family fights

8. People with mental disabilities

9. Stop your marriage or relationship from breaking apart

10. I destroy and can send back the tokoloshe if requested

11. I heal barrenness in man/ women and disorder menstruation

12. Get you married to the lover of your choice

13. Guarantee you win the troubling court cases

/>& divorce no matter on what stage

14. Ensure success in work and business

15. Mental illness & bewitched

16. Can't sleep at night or walking at night

17. Recover stolen property and whereabouts of people that hurt you.

18. Bring supernatural luck into your life

19. Extreme protection for those doing dangerous jobs like security
guards, Bank manager, cash transporters,

20
To get promotion at work/salary increase /Get a well paying job etc. all
these and more are done with 100% money back guarantee.

Have you been scammed? need your money back? please don't waste no time

All of the above please magic man!

You heard the man, act now!

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