Sunday, September 6, 2015

The incredible argument of Dazza and Shazza

Today while taking my son to the park, I witnessed the strangest outcome of an argument I think I've ever seen...

Look I'll be honest, I don't really know the names of the arguers - spending most of my time racing after my little bloke and sliding down slides, I didn't actually catch their names. So for the sake of this story, lets call them Darren and Sharon or even better, Dazza and Shazza.

And since this is one of the strangest ways of resolving a bout of bickering I've ever seen, I feel that we should probably get two completely unrelated to Dazza and Shazza people to help set the scene. So without any further ado, allow me to introduce my cast:

Playing the part of Dazza will be ex WWF/WWE Superstar Marty Janetty. Clad in the cheapest of cheap tracksuit, Dazza is late 20's, about 125kg with a brontosaurus like gut and is the father to about 8.3 kids it seems. He likes pizza, beer, V8's and collecting welfare.
Yes I know poor Marty here is the furthest from Dazza you're probably ever going to get (especially in physical shape) but I haven't heard what he's been up to recently so as a purely hypothetical, I'm guessing he's probably become an actor and would be more than happy to portray the inner struggles of Dazza in the adventures of Daz and Shaz.

Playing the part of Shazza, we'd like to introduce you to the wonderful talents of Random Olga who got her name from me Google Image Searching 'Olga' and picking someone who vaguely looked like Shazza (provided you really gave her a make over and squinted at the same time.) Shazza is in her mid twenties with kids and dreams of white picket fences surrounding properties not infested with rats. Instead she's ended up joining the tracksuit club, popping out kids because there's nothing on TV and likes nothing more than hanging out at the park and amusing passers by with her arguments.

Which leaves action superhero Jason Statham as yours truly, taking my legend son to the park and witnessing one of the most bizarrest ways to settle a barney in public.


It's a cloudy afternoon at the local park where Almigo has decided to take his son to spend an hour or so going down the big slide. Midway through watching his boy slide down for the #27827 time that hour, he witnesses an argument erupting nearby...

(To himself) Hmmm, how interesting, it looks like an argument is erupting nearby!

Naaaaah! I told youse, you can do whatever you like you know! You can go if you want, I don't give a f$%k!

It's always about you Darren, everywhere we go everything you do, we have to tag along and it's all your f'n decision!

Nah, it's not like that Shazza! I told use, you can come and go as you please! You know that's how it is!

That's bullshit Daz and you know it! Like you're going to just let me do my own thing and look afta the kids. Bullshit!

You know what, just go. Just go now, leave the kids here and just go. See if I give a f**k!

With that Shazza storms off with one child in hand and barricades herself in a dark blue Holden Commodore. Dazza however nonchalantly wanders over to the nearest bench to completely ignore both her and the kids she left behind. He seems more preoccupied with attempting to stare at his navel. 

Wow, better them than me!

Half an hour later and Shazza is still sitting in the car going nowhere. Dazza finally gets off his ass and wanders over to open the door. 

Get the f**k out you f**ken idiot! 

Fine, sit there, see if I give a shit!

Over the next five minutes Dazza rounds up the remaining rugrats and distributes them between the Blue Commodore and a White Commodore Wagon. Shazza stays in the car. One of the children decides he doesn't want to be in the blue car and makes a break for freedom to the wagon..

What are you doing? Get back into the f**ken car!

Nice try kid!

Here's where it really starts to get weird...Darren and his half of the brood get in the wagon and drive a mere ten meters past the blue commodore to suddenly stop by the side of the road, in full view of Shazza who is still stationary in her car. His lights are still on, he's just not going anywhere at all...

 WTF are they doing?

Ten minutes later and it's exactly the same scene. Both cars full of kids haven't moved. It seems Dazza and Shazza are having some kind of car related stare down and are waiting to see who will drive off first.

Seriously, WTF is going on here? Commodore Mexican standoff?

Half an hour passes and incredibly the stare down (feat a lot of kids) continues. Eventually though Shazza decides enough is enough and roars off in a cloud of V8 smoke. Dazza remains where he is, continuing his idling.

Oh good, they finally sorted this out...I think.

Five minutes later Dazza suddenly wakes up to the fact that Shazza has left the building a while back and finally ambles off himself. 

Wait....why the hell am I still standing here? The entertainment is over!



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