Monday, January 2, 2017

Migo's comic collection episode 2: Meet Dirge the Dirtbag

In our latest offering from the big plastic chest that holds all of my comics both awesome and average comes the amazing tale of Dirge the Terrible, otherwise known as Image Comic's DV8 #20

The bottom title should read: And you will want to punch him too!
How will our favorite team of mutants, mutants and deviants survive such a terribly named bad guy?



THE PLOT AS I SEE IT

Something goes horribly wrong for the DV8 team and a both Frostbite and Sublime wash up on some random island where they run afoul of Dirge - the villain you can't help but want to punch his face in. Dirge spends most of the issue proving what an insufferable prick he is while Copycat throws up on a elf? Then a zombie surrounded by hot ladies appears at the end.

WAIT, WHY IS HE CALLED DIRGE?


Yes indeed, he's named after 'a song of piece of music that is considered too slow, miserable or boring.' Now obviously 'Dirge' was a better choice for a bad guy than 'Funeral ditty' or 'Song for the recently deceased' (or 'the mad organ masher') but seriously couldn't someone look a little deeper into the funeral industry for a better bad guy nickname? Yes Paul Bearer is probably a WWE copyright issue but what about 'Hearse', 'The Mortician' or the ever reliable 'Gravedigger?'

Nope, we'll name him after a long winded moody organ recital to make him really stand out!

NO SERIOUSLY, YOU REALLY CAN'T LOOK PAST DIRGE

In what I suspect is going to be a long term trend here in Migo's comic collection, once again a very dubious character is first introduced smoking away on a gasper. Obviously to really paint the picture of 'People you shouldn't trust', just add a cigarette. Like when we met Temple the pimped out Government agent in out last comic look back, Dirge first appears complete with cigarette but this time comes complete with a typical Australian stereotype:



(For non Australian's I'll give you the tip: you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who still uses the Aussie term 'Sheila' outside of a very remote sheep sheering station in the middle of nowhere. And it's highly unlikely that's where Mr Funeral Music started his Mercenary career. Also since he didn't roll up on the beach in a battered Holden Commodore, we can assume he's not too much of a bogan..)

In no time flat Dirge proves why his full name should be Dirge The Dickbag as the uber cocky ponytailed wonderboy shows off his skills with a firearm and if that wasn't good enough, comes up with the most dubious claim of markmanship ever printed in comic book history. (I don't think even Deadshot from the DC universe has made a claim that far out before)


Strewth cobber, we find this very hard to believe! 

MEANWHILE SOMEWHERE ELSE

An elf gets thrown up on.

NOW BACK TO DODGE. I MEAN DIRGE.

Meet his boss who threateningly likes to dress as the worlds most meekest accountant and currently seems to be busy...er....doing the Maccerena?


They really don't like each other at all which is no surprise to anyone considering how much Dirge obviously loves himself and Andrew the Accountant doesn't like anyone who doesn't have any natural rhythm.

The dance off must go exactly to plan!
It's also through one of these arguments that we learn that the boss has some really strange ideas when it comes to dealing with employee-management relations.

That's not the usual work uniform..

BUT NOW THAT HE'S GETTING CHEWED OUT BY THE BOSS, I CAN RELATE TO HIM!

No you can't as the next thing is does is beat up on Frostebite for a bit in frustration. Yes Mr Smooth well and truly has all his emotions in check, absolutely! (Also I shudder to think which 'work uniform' those handcuffs belong to..)


Dirge: Does not understand the rules of playing hide and seek
BUT SURELY THERE'S MORE THAN HIM IN THIS COMIC?

Sure there is...but he's so irritating and terribly named that he's earned the lions share of this look back all on his own. Luckily from memory he only appears in one more comic before Evo manages to separate that god awful ponytail (and his head) from the rest of his body.

I wonder what they played at his funeral...

Can't wait to add Dirge the Dickface to your amazing comic collection? Grab his adventures right here from Amazon!

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