Fear of a red bottom. And a three way with aliens.

While momentarily working on my lastest book (Court Jester of the Castle...it's taking a while but slowly getting there) I spared a thought for my other two books and decided a brief jaunt down affordable advertising road probably wouldn't go astray, now that I've finally gotten rid of a shed load of debt.
However I had to stifle quite a big round of laughs when I saw some of the books the service I was contemplating using were promoting..

Not this one. I'd probably sell a million books next to this one.

RED HOT 3 WAY SEX FEST...WITH ALIENS

Aliens were threatening to blow up the world or something and our last hope was an undercover agent who would obviously infiltrate this marauding force and sooth the flames of conquest with a express trip to pound town. Judging by the front cover where she stood naked between two hunky and decidedly unalien looking beefcakes, she was more than willing to fight them both (on the bed battlefield) at the same time. What a trooper! There was some sub story of falling in love but I was too busy wondering how well my tales of a radio lunatic jumping from one idiot adventure to another would fare next to the sordid tales of someone taking a red hot poking six ways from Sunday in order for the rest of the world to sleep soundly. 

Gah! Sex obsessed aliens! Where's my rail gun?

You can quite easily make your own alien probe jokes with this one. But if I thought that was a bad match up to advertise next to, the next day I copped another doozy in my inbox

I DID SOMETHING BAD IN TRAFFIC SO HERE COMES THE SPANKING PATROL written by A CLOSET SPANKEE WHO HATES SITTING DOWN COMFORTABLY.

Wowee, what a great start to my day reading this 'great read' suggestion was. Yes for 5.99 I too could be engulfed in this passage of red marked quivering bottoms, near misses in traffic and even more pants down here comes the ss slap ship toot toot. And the fact that I learnt about how much the writer loves these kind of scenarios...well I just couldn't throw my credit card at my computer fast enough. What better way to advertise the time I learned to slide in a monster truck than side by side with a tale of traffic adventures gone horribly wrong and a the beating some ass cheeks took because of it.

The SS Slap Ship. 

Right, so probably not going to sign up to that advertising service...any other suggestions?

(Also if you don't want to read about a three way with aliens or sore bottoms, may I suggest my book? It's a bargain right now at just 99 cents and you can check it out right here! There isn't a single alien romp or smacked ass in it anywhere! :P)