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Now blogging over at Onemanmanyplans.com.au

It's been real, thanks Blogger! Hey thanks for checking out this page! After 10 years of posting here and over 600 posts, it's time to try something new at over possibly greener pastures. Which means you can now find me and all my random adventuring ways over at One Man Many Plans . 

Space D.I.R.T episode 2 - Welcome Home


In the last episode we meet the poor unfortunates who have now been thrown together to form the brand new Space D.I.R.T. Their mission...unclear. (Although it's obviously going to be something pretty awful. Their future location...unknown. (Although they're travelling there as you read this.) Can this group of unknowns work well together...for the next five years without killing each other??



(The very first Space D.I.R.T team have found themselves in a small cramped and rickety old space shuttle, blasted off into deep space...somewhere, travelling for hours to a remote base somewhere on a forgotten fringe asteroid belt further than your annual visit to the in laws.)



So crew since we're killing time here... any ideas what the letters D.I.R.T actually stands for?


Dangerous..that's gotta be it. This is dangerous work, so yeah the D is for dangerous.





Or disposable..


Despicable maybe? That seems appropriate..





Drunk? Which reminds me, I'd kill for a couple of beers right now..


(Thomas gives him an alarmed look)


Figure of speech love. I'd far prefer to drink than fight. (He looks around the small shuttle) maybe it's written somewhere around here?





Actually someone has painted the letters on the panel here..





Well that's a start



...with their finger and some used motor oil it looks like. Spared no expense for the first Space D.I.R.T team it seems..



(Unit wanders over, dips a finger in the oily letters and then puts his finger to his lips. He screws up his face in disgust.)


Bleh! This stuffs been recycled at least three times. Cheap bastards..maybe the D is for Dodgy?




Roultry looks over at the very spartan control panel.)


According to the readout we've got 6 hours left to go. Any suggestions on how to pass the time?



Well if the other two men would be happy to hang out in the store room over there I got a great suggestion involving the ladies.. (he winks suggestively)





How about we put you in the closet for the rest of the trip?



Sure! But there's not much room for wriggling about for two in there let alone three. Plus it smells a bit stale...





She wasn't suggesting you would have any company in there..





Ah..meh, I've done worse..




We could play cards? (He presses a button on his chest and a panel opens up to reveal cards. Quite a decent pile.)



That looks a lot more than a full deck..



Well I don't exactly have a full deck of playing cards..more cards I've picked up off the floor at various bars. There's about ten maybe twelve partial decks and various others in here?



So there's a pretty good chance we might end up with a full house of 3s?




More than likely yes. I've collected a lot of threes you see..quite a lot..


(Having nothing else to do the team settle down for many rounds of five card stud, a joke Smoking attempts to make at least three times in as many hours to zero reaction.)




(Reveals her latest hand) I don't think you're all going to beat 4 threes and a Mercurial pilots license!




Depends? How much is two Jupiter Gym memberships cards worth?



Not as much as three ambulance free ride cards!





(Smoking just laughs as he plonks down 8 aces of spades and a low gravity b ball rookie card..)



Maybe we should go over the rules of this game again..


(At that very moment an alarm goes off on the panel and a spinning light emerges from the roof panel and starts to spin)

Danger? Are we under attack? Is there any weapons on this rig? (He looks around excitedly)





Maybe it's aliens?



Sexy aliens? Please let them be sexy with like three breasts and at least two asses..


(Unit gives him an annoyed look while Roultry analyses the incredibly tiny readout screen on the cheap oil stained panel)





Worse...it seems we've finally arrived at our new home for the next five years...


(The team cram up together around the very small viewing window to watch the ugly grey base coming into view. Every face looks incredibly disappointed.
The shuttle lands and an oxygen tunnel emerges from the base to connect to it. The team open the shuttle hatch from the inside and step into the tunnel)





(Looking out of the windows in the tunnel) there's really nothing out there is there? Just dull grey...space rock.



More than likely not.




No life...




No beer...


(They stop at the main door and Smoking presses the open button. As he does that a digital screen blinks to life and the digitized face...of a pirate complete with black beard and eye patch, looks directly at them.)



Yaargggh mateys! Who be wanting to board me ship hey? Speak up fore I keen haul your squidly innards!





Who or what the hell is that?




Who I be? WHO I BE? I Captain Th-Th-Thunder, master of this place! Now who you be, you bunch of land lubbers?



(mutters) great, a base artificial intelligence with a stutter..



Stutter? STUTTER? I'll be making you walk the plank for that one you blistering barnacle! Nay, that be my name and let me be showing you lest I run you through with a gang plank...yarrrgh.


(Captain Th-Th-Thunder's face disappears to be replaced by text that reads CAPTAIN TH-TH-THUNDER BASE AI VERSION 1.0, PROPERTY OF BUCCANEER INDUSTRIES OF THE YEAR 2023. Then his face reappears smiling)





That year...was over 300 years ago! You've been running this base for over three hundred years?




Aye, possibly. I haven't been counting for a while lass...




And without a single update the entire time??




Well yes metal face...we don't get much call for the update mobs out this way. It being such a long journey across the seven seas and all..



Captain..when was the last time there were people on base here?




Well let's see. Who be the president of the United federations currently?





The Miz the 88th





Rightio oh, well the last time we had people on this ship, lets see...the Miz the 3rd was just taking his oath..


(The entire group look completely stunned at that fact.)





Anyway enough yabbering, you lot must be the latest team so welcome aboard! You'll see that I've kept the place spick and span, come right in and make yourself at home. Maybe when you've got yourself comfortable we can sing a couple of good ole sea shantys? Good gods it's been a while..

Oh dear - things seem to be going from bad to just awful in no time flat for the Space D.I.R.T team. Having made it to their new home, what terrors held in bay by a hilariously outdated AI could be lurking inside for our intrepid crew? All be revealed soon matey in our next episode of...Spaaaaacccccee D.I.R.Tttttttttttttttt!

(Which is ready to rock and roll now: Episode 3 - are you being spudded..

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