Thursday, March 27, 2014

I'm sick and exhausted and want to take on the world

Okay human nature, riddle me this - why is it only when I am down with a sickness and completely void of any and all energy whatsoever, I have nothing but thoughts of world domination?
Yes I'm sick and exhausted and want to be one with the universe of bed for a couple of weeks at least and still I want to give the whole wide world a Canadian Destroyer for shits and giggles.

For you world, when I wake up.

 Surely I'm not the only one who gets this way?



Usually it goes like this - work a long week + don't get much sleep = get to Friday with some massive urges to do EVERYTHING and the energy to do absolutely NOTHING. And I'd write these urges down to actually achieve them after I've slept in for 20 hours but that would take too much energy on a Friday night and gets replaced by much more essential Friday check boxes like flopping on the couch and analyzing the insides of my eyelids.

This is why booking me to do anything including family get-togethers, hosting jobs and mechanical repairs on a Friday night is not usually a good idea as my brain is too busy churning ridiculous millionaire making ideas and not focusing on the task at hand, letting the auto pilot part of my mind take over. And while most of the time the auto pilot gets through things relatively unscathed, there's the odd occasion when it gets a little creative and a back track (or two or three) and possible public apology is usually in order.

Autopilot at work
Like I said, it's worse when I'm sick, incredibly achy and comprised mostly of snot. Because that's when I am at my most powerful mind wise and am gripped by the notion that I can train like the most elite of UFC fighters even though I'd be putting one foot in the grave the second I looked at a barbell bar.
Luckily I don't have the energy when under an illness to actually drag my battered carcass of a body off the couch and step into the House of Pain (my workout shed) and stupidly throw some iron around or I would wake up asking for death instead of the usual coffee and breakfast.

Yet when I'm well rested and capable of lifting more than a Friday night glass of bourbon, I'm Switzerland and completely neutral to anything and everything. Just as happy going for a drive as I am catching up on my favorite TV series. Thoughts of world domination or getting a body more ripped than Tarzan's loincloth? Nowhere near my relaxed mind at all. Couldn't be bothered in the slightest. Oh it that Game of Thrones? Lets watch it again! Oh look, a new episode of Warehouse 13!

Which ultimately means I'll be only be at my absolute ultimate peak level of anything when a plague hits this planet and turns the majority of the population into zombies...


...and I'll be the one playing humanity's last hope, blowing away the shambling hordes with a side by side shotgun...

...in a prone position on my couch.

I would go out and create a super wagon just bristling with all sorts of wickedly awesome weaponry and firepower that would be the envy of the world's survivors, but it's Friday and it's been a pretty big week and I'll think about it after a bit of a sleep in. Wait, is that Firefly? I love this show!..

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