The coach with the most! Ep 1 - There's a draft in here

Last week I got invited to play Herald Sun KFC Supercoach with some of the guys at work. Pick your team of AFL (Australian Football League or Aussie Rules for those playing at home) superstars and hope they do enough each week during the game (goals, points and running powers slams?) to rack up the points and make you king of the office space by the end of the season!

I haven't played a version of this since they first brought it out in the newspaper (where you had to plug in the details of the players by hand!) and have not having the foggiest who in the AFL is half decent currently (aside from the entire Richmond line up), how could this go possibly wrong? Welcome to draft day baby!

Let's meet the players! (not the actual footy players, more the guys competing in this comp)

That's me in 7th which means I'll be waiting for the first 6 to pick their superstars before I get the opportunity to throw wads of virtual cash at someone on the draft list and yell 'Forget the Hedgehogs, we have Hotdog Friday in our team!' 

Because what player (apart from vegetarians) don't enjoy Hotdog Friday?

It's also set up in Snake format which means once Daniel takes his number 8 pick, instead of starting back it one, it goes back up the list from 7th to 1st and then back down again. So I'll have 7th, 9th, 21st etc.

Will Dusty Martin (Richmond) still be available by the time my turn comes around? Here's hoping!

(A shoutout to the Marlin Brandos who like me, hasn't played Supercoach for quite a while. With that lack of knowledge, he may just end up being my greatest opponent!)

My plan for player selection

So from what I've been told, every time it's my turn to pick the list of current players will be in order of how well they went last year Supercoach points wise in the league. So naturally I could just nab whoever is on top of that list every go and pretend I know what I'm doing, bragging that my player scored the most 3 pointers from outside the paint during 2020 (wait, wrong game..)

But no, I'm using the following formula:

-Preference for Richmond players

-Did they end up pulling six or more votes in last years Brownlow awards? If so then someone think they're decent and that works for me. (I have a printout handy and ready to go!)

-Injured? Sorry, you're not coming in. Unless of course it's Steele Sidebottom from Collingwood who is good or Bachar Houili from Richmond who is awesome and although both are injured currently I would consider them. Both also have a smart haircut just like mine!

So after all that, who made the cut?

To make this interesting to any non AFL following readers of this blog (and according to the stats, there are many of you!) I have replaced the players official photos with long forgotten stars of World Championship Wrestling. After all, my team isn't for looks it's the results I'm hungry for!

(Please no one point out how WCW managed to eat itself to death, thanks...)

Let's meet the team!

FORWARDS

DUSTIN MARTIN (RICHMOND)

Have I ever heard of them?: You'd be hard pressed to find an AFL fan who hasn't heard of the legend of Dustin 'Dusty' Martin. Even non footy fans have a brief knowledge of him when his off field antics make the news headlines. He was always going to be my first pick as long as he was available.

Represented by WCW: Dusty Rhodes. Undoubtedly I'll be talking about Dusty's antics all season long so why not have this legend represent him week after week?

Notes: My star player and a ripper way to kick off the draft. Thankfully Dusty was 52nd on the list as the draft selection process began which mean you'd really have to search to find him and since nobody else did, I snapped him up. He's also one of those players you could choose in either Mid or Fwd position so I stuck him up front to hopefully cause as much damage as humanly possible. Can this multi premiership player drag the tigers (and my team) to the top of the heap once again? Let's find out!

DANE ZORKO (BRISBANE)

Have I ever heard of them?: The name rings a bell..

Represented by WCW: Berlyn (I don't know if Dane dances as well as Berlyn/Alex Wright though..)

Notes: High on the list of FWD's left when it was my time to pick, he should provide some extra guns up front where it counts. Still trying to work out if I should call him The Zork or The Zorkinator when referencing him from here on in, stand by.

JACK MARTIN (CARLTON)

Have I ever heard of them?: I thought I did but then a quick Googling showed me I was confusing him for someone else. Sorry Jack. (Still, here's your chance to really make a name for yourself! At least in my world..)

Represented by WCW: Blacktop Bully

Notes: Look, there's no such thing as power gained by sharing a surname. But just in the ever so slight chance I'm wrong, here's hoping that Jack absorbs some of fellow Martin in Dusty's aura and absolutely rips games wide open. 
Or just really makes a name for himself in 2021, up to him really.

KANE LAMBERT (RICHMOND)

Have I ever heard of them?: Yes. But probably couldn't pick him out of a lineup to be honest..

Represented by WCW: Ciclope

Notes: At this stage of the draft I suddenly realized I needed to fill out my forwards and given Kane was wearing the mighty Yellow and Black, he was a natural choice (also I had no idea who anyone still on the list around him was). With that vote of confidence, welcome aboard! 

MIDFIELDERS

PATRICK DANGERFIELD (GEELONG)

Have I ever heard of them?: Sure! A shoutout to Al 'Terms and Conditions' Dobie who I used to work with who would sing the praises of Dangerfield almost weekly. Plus I may have met him (not sure) when I was working in Geelong where he plays. Not certain, have met a few Geelong players in my time there.

Represented by WCW: The Wall

Notes: 'One of you bastards snapped up Dangerfield before I had a chance to' - Brandon. Sorry Brandy, but he stood out as a shining light by the time the time to pick again bounced back my way. I'd be crazy not to grab him. He's a gun and my first midfielder pick should do well for me this year.

SCOTT PENDLEBURY (COLLINGWOOD)

Have I ever heard of them?: I have heard his surname many a time during various broadcasts.

Represented by WCW: Crowbar 

Notes: Both my wife and mother in law would be super happy to see Penders name in this glorious team, being mad Collingwood fans and all. But since they're not choosing the players, I am, I picked Pendulum because he's talented. My mids need talent (and a lot of luck) so welcome to the fold Scotty!

HUGH GREENWOOD (GOLD COAST)

Have I ever heard of them?: Unless he bought something off me when I was on the Gold Coast selling various bits of crap via Gumtree then probably not. 

Represented by WCW: Dave Taylor

Notes: Er...since I know literally nothing about Hugh #1, I'm just going to make it up.

-Once won $52 playing the pokies

-Favorite holiday destination: Wagga Wagga

-Once ate a whole meat lovers pizza for breakfast

-His nickname at school was 'Jumpy'

-Favorite song to make love to is Thunderstruck by ACDC

-First car was a bright green Toyota Corolla

-His favorite desert is vanilla ice cream drowned in caramel topping

-If he was a member of the Wu Tang Clan, his name would be Green Wood Forrest

-His favorite drink comes in a glass

-His favorite movie to watch after winning a game is Starship Troopers

-To throw opponents off on the football field, occasionally he'll make cat noises

-Former champion frisbee thrower

-Has said that he would like to play Hillbilly Jim if there was ever a movie made about him

-Not good at Magic The Gathering

-Or collecting Pokemon

-Hates Chess

-And Cats the musical, he can't stand it

-Loves to collect ticket stubs of football games he hasn't played in. When he has enough he plans to have them all sewn up in a suit and wear them to the Brownlow Medal ceremony that year.

HUGH MCCLUGGAGE (BRISBANE)

Have I ever heard of them?: No, not even once.

Represented by WCW: Hardcore Hak

Notes: Yes it's Hugh to the power of 2 in the midfield because one Hugh is good, two is.....HUGHMUNGOUS! 

Bwahaahahahahahahahahahaha.

Oh god, I need more sleep. Seriously.

DION PRESTIA (RICHMOND)

Have I ever heard of them?: Sure have! Carn the Tigers! (plus I have a nephew with the same first name so he's a family omen pick!)

Represented by WCW: Scott Hall

Notes: How's this for being on the ball today? I literally heard in the news today right before I picked him that he was cleared and ready to rumble! At 175cm tall he's roughly the same height as I am and while I'm not a towering giant, I am happy to hear that I too am the right dimensions to be an AFL footballer. 

Sure there's a massive lack of talent holding me back, some serious weight and my asthma and complete lack of height...but apart from that I'm good to go!

RUCKS

TIM ENGLISH (FOOTSCRAY)

Have I ever heard of them?: I've heard of Johnny English, does that count?

Represented by WCW: Hector Guerrero

Notes: Tim was number one on the list when it was time to pick a ruck!*

*It might have paid to pick earlier because he was top of the list of a whole bunch of other ruck's I've never heard of. But hey, having said that he'll probably go forth and smash my score right through the roof.

Well I'm hoping he does!

DEFENDERS

BACHAR HOULI (RICHMOND)

Have I ever heard of them?: As mentioned above, one of the only two currently injured players I would consider being part of my team. Welcome aboard Bachar!

Represented by WCW: Horace Hogan

Notes: Great Richmond Player that I'm taking a risk on due to current injury. However he should be back in action in a couple of rounds and once he's back on ground, here's hoping he's back to his Gun Richmond ways in no time at all. Carn the Tigers!

SHANNON HURN (WEST COAST)

Have I ever heard of them?: Before the draft kicked off I googled up 'Best defenders AFL 2020' and Shannon was somewhere up top. But that's about all I know..

Represented by WCW: Johnny the Bull

Notes: Top defender for the Eagles. More than likely does not look like Johnny the Bull above but as long as he has as much give as a freeway retaining wall when when he hits someone with the ball at full pelt then I'll be happy. Remember, the best offense is heavy firepower. Oh and some line about it being defense too or something, I'll remember it later. 

LUKE MCDONALD (NORTH MELBOURNE)

Have I ever heard of them?: Possibly? Is he old and has a farm?

Represented by WCW: Kendall Windham

Notes: Since I know precious little about him, you can fill in the blanks! Luke was won ____ titles in the competitive world of blindfolded darts. The last time he went drinking he had _____ shots of ____ with just a hint of orange juice and woke up in ______ with ____ Japanese tourists. When getting dressed he likes to wear _______ but not _____ which he thinks it pretty _____. His favorite thing to say when missing a goal is '______ me sideways'.

NICK VLASTUIN (RICHMOND)

Have I ever heard of them?: I should...but I don't.

Represented by WCW: Lash LeRoux

Notes: Ask him about cryptocurrency!

BENCH

LACHIE HENDERSON (GEELONG) - DEF

Have I ever heard of them?: The name doth strike a chord.

Represented by WCW: Lizmark Jnr

Notes: Standing by just in case one of my vicious defenders breaks someone's arm or rips a players leg off and proceeds to smash them with it. I have warned them not to do that but Lachie is ready if it happens.

TRENT COTCHIN (RICHMOND) - MID

Have I ever heard of them?: Richmond's most famous Trent. Course I have!

Represented by WCW: Lodi

Notes: Trent, Trent, he's our man, if he can't do it, then no on- THERE'S NO I IN TEAM DAMNIT! YOU WORK AS ONE! ONE TEAM ONE DREAM! BLUE SKY THINKING! TOGETHER WE ARE GREAT! UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL! WILLIAM WALLACCCCCEEEE!

Wait, where were we? Oh yeah, great to have you on board Trent!

OSCAR MCINERNEY (BRISBANE) - RUC

Have I ever heard of them?: I...think so? I am groot?

Represented by WCW: Reno

Notes: Possibly a former cellar dwelling sleeping giant who like cream will rise to the top when there's a barn burning slobberknocking game of two halves where the crowd goes banana. I'm not really sure but I do love my cliches!

TOM LYNCH (ADELAIDE) - FWD

Have I ever heard of them?: I thought I did but turns out I was confusing him with the Richmond player of the same name. I'm good at this as you can see.

Represented by WCW: Scotty Riggs

Notes: Here's a list of people I have not confused Tom Lynch for:

Tex Perkins

Mindy from Mork and Mindy

David Copperfield

Kanye West

Sharon Stone

That angry chick at the local McDonalds

Vince McMahon

Makaybe Diva

And our final team member: SHAUN BURGOYNE (HAWTHORN) - FWD

Have I ever heard of them?: Sure have! 

Represented by WCW: Silver King

Notes: 2021 marks his last season as a professional footballer, hanging up the boots at the end of this year. Since he'll want to go out with a bang, what better reason to have him on team ready to leave his mark? 

Right, so that's the team as it stands (incredibly Flex Daddy asked to make a trade with another player literally twenty minutes after the draft round wound down). In the next ep: I find myself a personal assistant and the Tigers remember to fire up Dusty about two quarters in.