Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Congratulations, someone in your family truly hates you!

When unwrapping the gifts under the Xmas tree this year, rejoice if you score any of the following:

Lottery tickets

Because it means that even though the gift giver has put as much thought into Christmas as their last trip to the toilet, it's still light years ahead of the duller than dull dishwater gift I saw yesterday for sale at a Supermarket near you...it is....wait for it....

A Facebook gift card!

Yep, consider yourself permanently moved into official nemesis territory if you unwrap one of these bad boys as a gift this year because the hate flowing from this bit of plastic runs like Niagara Falls.


If you buy one for someone - You've probably actually never set foot on Facebook to wade through the rivers of angst and stupidity that makes this bastion of social media and you'll have no idea that the only way these cards will be used will be on terrible games that anti social outcasts and smelly bearded weirdos lock themselves indoors to play and spend way too much money on for something that's advertised as free. Or you really hate a family member and you had to buy them something because you wouldn't be invited to a boozy xmas lunch unless you did.

If you receive one from someone - You're obviously seen as the family's anti social outcast, smelly bearded weirdo and/or are truly hated by someone. God help you, little black sheep of the clan. Quit your whinging, turn off Facebook and go out and smell real life. Maybe you'll even have sex away from your inbox! Score!

So what use are they then?

Well you could buy a new chicken or paint the shed red or something in Farmville which will just about drown you in offers of wild sweaty cyber sex from other Farmville addicts who want your brand new red chicken or something.

You could use it to promote a post of yours - you know, now that Facebook is charging you to get this across to ALL of your audience instead of just a random minority (And if you don't believe me, check this out: http://dangerousminds.net/comments/facebook_i_want_my_friends_back)

Or given how much Facebook stock has fallen since it came out on the market, $50 could probably buy you enough shares to land you a spot on the board of directors...

Almigo, why are you so unkind?

1 comment:

  1. Read the dangerous minds bit. Facebook IS engaging in extortion, and if someone gave me a lame ass gift card for x-mas, I'd take them out of the will for sure.