Thursday, December 15, 2016

How I lost 3 kilos in 3 weeks

So the good news is, I learnt how to lose 3 kilos in as many weeks without a single gym session. For the first time in an ice age, I’m down to a very trim 72.4kg.

Nice feet pal!

The bad news is – to get to this level I had to practically move an entire three bedroom house. And since it’s such a laborious pain in the rear end, I truly wouldn’t recommend this process to anyone...

But if you are insan- I mean still keen to try this non-gym, non-exercise, roughly same diet workout then here’s how I managed to do it:

1.       PUT EVERYTHING YOU OWN IN A BOX AND THEN MOVE THAT BOX TO THE FURTHEST PART OF THE HOUSE YOU CAN FIND.

Given how much stuff we had to pack (and you never realize how much junk you have until you go through the entire boxing process) this step required a lot of lifting. Rather than leaving the boxes in the rooms they belonged to, I figured it’d far easier for the removalists to quote us on our job if all of our junk was in the same place – namely the back shed. Unsurprisingly there were a lot of boxes – a few light ones but mostly heavy (yep, we were hoarders in the last 8 years) so it did build up a lot of sweat moving lots of heavy stuff from one side of the house to the other.

2.       ONCE IT’S IN THERE, REARRANGE EVERYTHING SO YOU CAN DO SOME NICE MEASUREMENTS

We got a moving quote based on 22 metres cubed and part of me had a slight suspicion that we might have a couple more cubes worth of gear than quoted. So there was a busy afternoon and part of the night in the shed where I stacked everything perfectly like a master playing Tetris, in a rough shape of moving truck dimensions, just to see if were over. We’d just made it thankfully but year, another full day of lifting there.

3.       DRINK A TONNE OF WATER

About 1.8 litres a day roughly. Sounds a lot but after a couple of hours of throwing stuff about I’d happily chug through a 600ml bottle in record time.

4.       NOW THAT IT’S IN THE STORAGE SHED, GET THINGS OUT SLOWLY.

I had a genius idea originally that even the biggest of our items could fit in the back of my Nissan Stagea wagon with the back seats down – it turns out both the couch and our queen size mattress didn’t like that idea at all. (Luckily I ratchet clamped the mattress down to the roof racks and drove it very carefully home to our new place.) I also discovered that while I love the war wagon for its back capacity, it’d take at least 30 trips up and back to clear out both lockers entirely. I do enjoy a challenge, but this was madness. And so after a couple of trips getting our beds home and even wrestling a fridge into a station wagon (quite a workout) we figured it was time to bring in the big guns...

5.       HIRE A VAN, END UP WITH A TRUCK

I’d booked a long cab van to make short work of clearing out the storage sheds in one day. The hire group soon called up and explained that they were all out of vans but for the same price, I could have a 3 tonne truck to play with instead and yes, I could drive it on a normal license. So the theory was – on the day of picking up the truck we do 1 trip, throw everything in the back, unload, have a spot of lunch.

Funny looking van...

 You’re an idiot Migo!
I got the truck and it took two hours to get through half of the stuff we had (and haphazardly take up most of the room in the back of the truck) and then another hour of unloading because unlike when we got it put into the shed, there weren’t two man mountains  who could carry a couch in each hand doing the grunt work. Mostly it was me and there was a tonne of grunting involved in every single moment of work.  Plus our lockers were on the second floor of the complex, deep in the guts of it – meaning many slow rides up and down in the freight elevator.  Since the new place came complete with the worlds steepest driveway, a trolly was also needed so my wife went off to buy a cheapie...only to find that one tire was inflated, the other flat as a tack – which made the wrestling shit uphill job so much more interesting and challenge. But by 6:30pm (when we started at 10) we had all of our stuff...in the garage. The two car garage had now become one + a mountain of boxes, crates and packing tape. But hey, we were out of the lockers and had all our stuff so that was a start.

6.       MOVE IN, UNPACK, UNPACK AND MOVE IN SOME MORE.

Thankfully this step was a little less fast paced but ultimately still required some lifting. Most of it’s been done now and throughout the process we’ve marvelled at the fact that for a brand new house on the rental market, it came with a surprising lack of storage space. Or maybe we still have too much junk...actually come to think of it, now that I’ve lifted most of it at some stage through the last three weeks I think it’s a given: We just have way too much junk...

7.       WEIGH YOURSELF

The challenge was to get everything up here and moved in, in a cost effective and rational manner. And it kind of happened that way after we stopped doing endless trips in the wagon and hired a truck for the day instead. (Genius moment). However the by-product of all that sweating, lifting, cursing, grunting and howling operation was finally digging the scales out and discovering that I was now the lightest I’ve been in a stupidly long time.
So I still have all my junk, but I’ve lost three kilos of my fat content which was an added bonus. However since I have now brought up my collection of weight plates and bars, I feel it’s far more practical to go back to traditional methods of keeping trim. And for the record -  the next time we move I’ll definitely be paying someone else to do it to make it far easier and saner on our selves. And I’ll leave it up to them if they want to thank me for making them 3 kilos lighter at the end of it..


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