A man with no idea picks his favorite horses at Bendigo Harness.

Tonight I've been invited to get suited up for the Bendigo Harness Racing club's big shindig and I can't wait. We're talking a lovely three course meal, great company and one of my favorite past times at race meets: having a bit of a punt.

Now I will admit that I'm pretty rubbish at picking a winner and it's more a bluff/luck/tinny cocktail than actual knowledge of anything horse related if any of my selections actually make it across the finish.

I have read some tea leaves and this thing looks good.

However in the spirit of sharing and sharing alike, I've taken a look at tonight's Form Guide here at Bendigo and come up with my best horse selection of each race.
Will they actually do anything worthy? Buggered if I know. But hey, if you're looking for a laugh or want to lose your shirt, take a butchers at my top picks!

ALMIGO'S TIPS FOR BENDIGO HARNESS 25/10/2014

RACE 1 - I did like the look of TOM GRAINGER because he has a very similar name to my cousin Tim Grainger and with such an amazingly personal link how could I go wrong? However as soon as I cast my eyes over SOMETHINGSGOTAGIVE I figured that sums up my punting ability brilliantly and so I'm picking it instead. 

RACE 2 - Tough picking in this one but the standout for me has to be AINTTHATRIGHTMACCA which I reckon I overheard the last time I set foot in a Centrelink office. Hopefully Macca (whoever he is) will be correct once more. 

RACE 3 - There's only 6 horses in this one and to be honest none of them are jingly my coin collection. However if I had to put a dollar on something, I'd take first time runner THE TRUTH. It screams 'honesty' for some reason and honestly I need a new pair of shoes.

By now you should have enough winners to buy a luxury car like this one.

RACE 4 - Two fillies with car names? Lordy who do I pick here? After some much consideration and based on which one I'd much prefer to drive, I've selected MUSTANG SALLY over the slightly less of a muscle car BLUE VALIANT. Bring it home Sal!

RACE 5 - Ahh the race named after the place I work at. Will this help me select a brilliant gee gee? Honestly no. But in Race 5 at Bendigo tonight I do enjoy the hilarious optimism of HEEZABIT RUSTY and that's where my shekels will be going tonight. 

RACE 6 - Backing up my fondness of race selections with truly awe inspiring names, I don't think I can go past NOT THE FULL DECK. With a name like that, what could go wrong?

Time for a celebratory drink by now

RACE 7 - Now I could be nice and select MY MUMS A STAR but she'd be a rubbish punter too and instead I've selected INTERGALACTIC simply based on the song by the Beastie Boys. I'll probably end up singing it when this horse bolts/trots home. 

RACE 8 - SATISFIED GRIN is what I'll be aiming to earn when the rest of the guests at tonight's event turn to me after my previous tip success and beg me to share my selections. I'll probably leave the Soarer there and take a limo home after all of these funds come rolling in.

RACE 9 - Ahahahaha, I'd love to know how the name SNACK BEAST came to be. I'm picturing a really fat horse stomping a mudhole all over the place. Back the Beast, that's what I'll be doing. 

RACE 10 - Well it's been a big night of me picking winning random horses and in the final race, I feel that VOICE OF IRELAND will be hard to beat. Will I put one dollar of my hard earned on this mare? To be sure. 

You'll feel like this too if my horse picks to anything.

Wish me luck!