The adventures of Almigo

Today I am reviewing tea. Yes tea. Now before you scoff 'How the mighty have fallen' and 'Almigo you have obviously sold out to the all mighty tea dollar', there is a reason why I'm reviewing tea and it has something to do with my brain... Do try it!

I use Twitter for three things mainly: 1) To spy on workmates 2) To plug my wise words on this site 3) Pretend I'm professional. Real like a parking fine. What I have never used Twitter for: 1) Guides on how to lose weight 2) Weight loss guides 3) Somewhere to go when I want to FIND OUT MORE ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT. NOW. And yet for some strange reason, every second follower of mine has the following in common - an awful inspirational or poetic bio (stolen from somewhere else), a picture that's someone other than them and a recent post about losing weight. Or a retweet of someone else posting about losing weight. Twitter...are you trying to tell me my bum looks big here??

I was just replying to my 2765th work email of the day when my mobile went off displaying 'Private number'. When this happens, it's usually one of three possible callers - a) My mum b) the boss or c) that damn Hotel I stayed at back in 1998 that still wants me to sign up to their loyalty program where I get a free mint on my pillow for every $100 I spend, regardless of the fact that I haven't set foot in the place since 1998. Rated 5 stars in Dirtbag Reviews No this time around it was from Skynet. Whoops, I mean my local telecommunications service. And after it was over I'd have much rather have chatted to the machines hell bent on John Conner and all humanities destruction...

Last night after a long weekend where we were well dined, well wined and feeling just fine, we decided to go the easy way out for dinner and make toasted sandwiches. Right in the middle of the melting of the cheese, my lovely wife dropped a bombshell: 'You know, maybe it's time for a new toastie maker?' Goodbye my friend.. Damn, another piece of my history going the way of my rice cooker, cheap frying pans and Nokia 3310...

So it's tax time in House Almigo - a time when my paperwork is all over the shop, nothing is where I remember it and the receipts I find somehow belong to things purchased by this clan over five years ago. My home office. Like home mechanics, attempting a five star dish in the kitchen and all of my attempts at something artistic - it usually ends in tears and fire in that order.  Still, why pay a professional to tell me I'm not a multimillionaire and my fleet of Veyrons are tax deductable when I could save $100 and do it myself in the comfort of my own dungeon?...