The adventures of Almigo

So there's been a lot on outside my world of fantasy football this week. Work primarily, a trip to Melbourne for medical reasons, more work when I got back, an overheating Subaru (still) and annoying bills that want to get paid. The good news is, I did swap some things around for the Flavorless Flav's this week, I just haven't updated the rest of the world about it until now.  So this (late) week: A former captain is captain again. The injuries have been benched.  And a 10 year old swapped one of my players out on a whim..

Desperate times call for desperate measures. And with a hilariously awful 11% winning rate so far this season, these here be desperate times... 

  Like plans for my pay packet each and every week, something unexpected always pops up and ruins things last minute. It's no different in this god-awful coaching experience either as I walked in with a full team and just before game time the captain fell over.. Seriously, can I jump out of this idiot plane now?

I'm okay when it comes to working on cars. Thanks to a willingness to roll up the sleeves and give things a go, coupled with copious amounts of Googling and forum lurking, I recently sorted out an overheating issue and heavy fuel consumption drama in my Subaru. For those problems beyond my understand or tool set, I consult a mechanic or if he's around, my father in law Baz. They know they're stuff and get me back on the road before I know it. Likewise here in coaching - this season has proved without a shadow of a doubt, I'm completely out of my depth here. But thankfully some random Supercoach chat around the office netted me some timely advice.  Enough to score a win? Perhaps, but let's not get too carried away..

  So it turns out Supercoach wants me to pay $25 and then it will let me know which players have been hit by a bus, which ones have been taken out by an ax wielding maniac and who has a note from their mum's explaining why they can't be there to lace up their footy boots this week. If I don't pony up, I've going to have to do all that research myself. Or in my case, hope I get things right like I've been attempting to do all season and last long.  Fat chance Supercoach, $25 for a game I know I'm going to lose anyway? Can't see the point myself..

  Forget the blind leading the blind here, in my case right now it's the injured leading the unknown as we face the Lethal Lobsters with no idea whatsoever if most of the team are going to show up..

So this week I've decided to award the captaincy of the Flavorless Flav's on merit and not to the first guy that rocked up to the club rooms (sorry Bont), plus I've made the first player trade with another coach in the history of me playing this game, swapping an inconsistent Cat for a Magpie. Let's see what happens from here!

  Footy is back, the team is ready and the good news is - we're injury free! Well for now anyway...

Well it seemed like only yesterday when we cleared out the empty bottles and unconscious players after awards night after the drop down drag out slug fest that was The Coach With the Most Supercoach battle, but suddenly we're all standing on that footy mad doorstop once again ready to go again. I even made a graphic this time! This season, there's most coaches (those 8 handsome buggers above). And a longer competition. We've got draft day coming up in a heartbeat and the coach draft order has been decided by a random horse race in New Zealand for some reason. I'm predicting big things and plenty of heartbreak in either order as once again I try to pick the right players to win this fantasy football (AFL) challenge. Strap yourself in folks, this will be dizzying stuff!

The location has been sorted, the media and authorities have been notified (Mantaur purposely gave them the wrong address so no drunken shenanigan's could be witnessed) and the local opportunity shops raided for only the finest of sub $20 suits all round. Yes it's time for the Team Almigo Supercoach awards night!

  I'm now one spot away from finals cutoff.  To get there I have to beat the strong team in second place. Oh and to make things really interesting, three quarters of my engine is going missing this round. Nothing like a cliffhanger deciding round hey? 

Here's the rub: Even though I won last week, I need the following to happen this week if I am to stand even within sniffing distance of the finals. I need to win against Griffith Sux in a major way.  I need Crippa to lose, in a major way. I need Brandos to lose too, just because. Oh and I need to find 3 new Forwards this week because the ones I have are on holiday this round. Not even Tom Cruise would be keen to take on this mess. Almigo, I am not keen. - TC And things were looking okay for a while too. Could we be in any more dire circumstances than this?

Matt tries to shame me in losing the last round to Cripaaa until I point out that he was also in the loser circle this week and he should get on his bike (which was conveniently right next to him while we chatted.) Also I need to reshuffle the deck and given how unpredictable my team has been as of late, I'm not sure if this is going to work in my favor or not..

Congratulations and disbelief. It's been a world of mixed emotions in the office over the last couple of days as Matt tucks into some humble pie after losing last round while Tyson gets excited by my victory and Tim explains the feeling in a sentence I really can't use here.  But you're only as good as your next round and something tells me I'm in for a fair challenge again as we take on the Marlon Brando's for the second time..

Flex Daddy is crowing. I owe the Marlon Brando's a six pack of beer. Matt from Matt's Crowe's comes up with a ridiculous wager. It's a busy Monday after buying a ticket to journey back on the losing train..

You know how you put together something without instructions and even though it looks like it shouldn't work, somehow it does? That's where my team is at right now, with me screaming DON'T BLOODY TOUCH IT! Anytime someone pops up and tries to have some input. We're two wins in a row now and I'm doing precious little this week to (hopefully) keep that success train chugging along...

 Don't mind us, we're still in party mode after last week..

So the math last round let me down, pretending to be pirates didn't help and the threat of walking the plank has only been so-so in its effectiveness. How my team seems to be performing right now. What else is there to do other than cut a few players loose and hopefully find some free agent guns ready to fire? And I can thank the team lawyer Wallstreet for my latest idiotic idea.

Given that nothing from threats of walking the plank to promising slices of supermarket mud cake have worked so far in generating a single win for team Almigo, it's time to break out the math. So I've poured some data into a spreadsheet, let it bake for a bit and sliced it open to reveal the cooling true facts. Namely who is doing their part and who is really dragging this team down, more than their game average would suggest. We're going to look at the stats and no I don't mean strength, dexterity or constitution. No saving throws here, just raw data. No more Dungeons and Dragons references from here on in, kay? I promise not to get too nerdy here, but let's do it!

So here I am saying I'd never get rid of any Richmond players in my team and two are currently dragging me down (one hasn't even brought a single point to the table yet!) and so with a heavy heart it's time for my first trio of low scorers to dive back into the ocean of free agentism..  Gah. I'm going to need a strong drink after this one. But after three losses in a row, extreme measures are now called for. Gather round team, it's plank time.