Saturday, March 30, 2013

Worst. Sidekick. Ever.

So we've been watching a lot of Arrow in Casa de Almigo as of late. And after watching many an episode of Oliver Queen fighting crime and getting buffer by each episode, I've made the startling discovery of early 2013: I would make a rubbish sidekick...

Not me.

The look thing: Apparently you have to have the chiselled look of being able to juggle side by side fridges all day with ease before you throw on a green hood and black eyeliner to fight crime. Currently I have the look of the bloke who replaces the plastic egg holder section of your fridge and then immediately goes to the pub to recharge. This could take some work.

Not even close.

The endurance thing: Arrow trains like a mad man then still has enough energy to fire some arrows into the nearest bad guy, solve some crime, rescue the girl as well as drop by his nightclub for a nightcap or twenty. I do the occasional weights session like a slightly miffed gentleman before attacking the nearest couch with a cross body block and staying there the rest of the night. This could take some work.

The connections thing: Oliver Queen is a well connected Billionaire with his own bodyguard, a personal hacker, a wealthy family and connections within the law enforcement field. All of my connections have the ability to drink through a bar tab in record time and I'd only be a billionaire if I moved to Zimbabwe. This could take some time. And a lot of work.

The living up to your name thing: Arrow can fire arrows with both incredible accuracy and lightning speed. God only knows if 'Almigo' is actually a weapon anywhere in this world but if it is, I'm sure I'm not licensed to wield it. Which is probably safest for bystanders really...

Skilled. But not me.

The car thing: Fight crime in an rx7? By the time I got it warmed up, the victim would be long gone...

And finally

The island thing: Arrow spent a lot of time on a mysterious prison island, honing his incredible skills to a lethal point. Closest I've come to that was two weeks on a contiki tour of New Zealand where I honed my spending and drinking skills. This will undoubtedly come in handy in post defeating the bad guys but completely useless for most of the episodes...


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