Saturday, April 27, 2013

The lunatic ramblings of an instant trillionaire

Isn't it wonderful when you do a cleanup on your computer and you find the backup from your old lost blog, the one you thought had gone with the last window formatting? In a step back in time, today I reveal how I came to become much richer than you'll ever be. 

So I came home the other day, opened up my mail and instantly became more wealthy than the rest of Australia combined. A tall order for some 31 year old radio announcer from Bendigo who's juggling a mortgage, car repayments, an upcoming wedding and a new arrival to the family any day soon but Lady Luck does fart in mysterious ways.

I now have enough money to pay off my house, finish saving up for the wedding, buying the Nissan Stagea of my dreams and still have enough spare change to buy an Island and start up my own civilization - where everyone drives an RX7, Ed O Neil is president and Richmond is the only team in my own AFL (Almigo football league) therefore winning the Grand Final every year.

All hail the chief!

Want proof of my riches? Clap your peepers on this bad boy:

Yes it's real.

Yes it does say 100 Trillion dollars.

Yes that does make me a Trillionaire.

Now before you sprout robes, climb the nearest mountain and preach to me that money is the root of all evil, know that my ownership of these trillions will not change me one iota. I will still be the beer drinking, guitar playing, car loving, mad radio lunatic you already know and love. Although now instead of Almigo, please call me The Legendary O Holy Captain Awesome Sir Champion Leader of Excellence the first. I just feel it's more of a 'rich mahogany' type of name for someone of my financial level.

And no, I don't care if your goat has the mange or your daughter needs a new Ferrari or the family will starve, you're not getting any money of me. I worked extremely hard to earn the 8 or so bucks I needed to send through Paypal to get this beauty and you're not having a wedge of it (besides, who has change for $100 Trillion??).

I'd love to stay and chat some more, buy I need to buy Hollywood now. Im going to enforce a new rule that any movie that has the word 'Movie' in the title (Epic Movie, Date Movie and Disaster Movie I'm looking at you...) that's been pitched from anytime now will automatically have the pitcher shot on sight. Oh and Paris Hilton is now banned from movies. Any movie.

Hmm, I wonder what the poor people are up to today?


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