Greetings from the Mayor of Idiottown

Ahh it's a hard life being Mayor. Especially when you're the self appointed Mayor in the game Towns on PC and Mac - that's quite a challenge keeping everyone from doing stupid things and protecting the town as a whole.

 

The birth of Idiottown

Join me as we explore the zany things the citizens of Idiottown do on a day to day basis that explains why as Mayor of this backwater burg, I have no hair left.


- Firstly they do everything by standing around. Possibly imtimidating raw materials, I'm not sure. To cut down a tree, they stand in front of it and make cutting noises with their mouths and after a few moments the tree falls over into a nicely cut log. When they make mining noises, perfectly formed bricks appear where the rock once stood. As Mayor I'd investigate further but one may look at me and turn me into a wine rack or something.

- They will sleep anywhere at the drop of a hat. I asked them to make some wooden swords, half of them stood there and snored for a bit. I'm still checking if random breaks are a part of their employment agreements but I haven't found anything yet.

Wake up Jeff!

- One of them (Walter) decided to pick a fight with a tree monster with his bare hands. Luckily a few more of the township were picking fruit nearby and waded in with their own fists to save him but it's doubtful he's learnt to stop punching angry trees yet..

- To keep them relatively safe (this is Idiottown after all) I have taught them how to make armour...out of wood. Yes it's a Mayor in a vindictive mood as I have helped create the most uncomfortable armour around. Still no one has complained at all and Walter might be able to bash some more trees with less chance of injury now.

- They whinge about being hungry but won't actually go looking for a feed if there's none around. Give a man a fish, because he's probably from Idiottown. Seriously residents, look around. There's apples and pears all over the shop - don't wait for me, have a fruit orgy already!

- Brom ate an apple and then proceeded to waltz into the mine/dungeon level and proceed to whack anything that moved with his wooden sword. How he's still alive after batting some house size spiders with a twig is anyone's guess but I guess they make these Idiotians tough..

After a long and lengthy battle, Brom chills out by staring at walls.

- Brom spent too much time looking at walls and starved. Bloody hell Brom, that'll teach you to whack spiders with sticks!

- I'm yet to create a decent kitchen, so some of the citizens have taken to eating raw pig and pork carcasses. They don't move too quick on a violently sick stomach I can tell you...

- Mind you while their stomaches disagree with their eating habits from time to time, they seem to have no problem pulling bones right out of the nearest happless animal and fashioning them into some fearsome looking armour.

All hail the boneheads of Idiottown!

- The citizens of Idiottown love their decorations. Decorations make them happy. But they don't care if it's a bed of nice bright red flowers, a goblins head on a stick or the gravesite of Brom. Yes, these sickos seem to get cheered right up upon witnessing the resting place of a fellow idiot. When a hero comes to town, nobody bats an eyelid. When they die though, the celebrations last a month! These people are a psychiatrists wet dream!

- And finally when I finally got round to making furniture for all, the residents were delighted. So much so they all slept comfortably in thier new beds...standing up. In full wooden and bone armour. Damnit people, get it together already!..