Sunday, June 1, 2014

Flashback: Welcome to the neighborhood

I'm dedicating the entire month of June to Flashbacks: Hitting the blogging time machine and exploring what I was rambling on about many moons ago on a different (and now defunct) site. For our first foray into my past, it's all about moving into the house I had just taken out a life changing loan on...

It wasn't a typical house move, it was a bloodbath.
Mine mainly as my lifeforce ended up on both the washing machine and fridge to add a splash of colour to the otherwise dirty off white. But that's what you get when you try to wrestle heavy white goods off a truck and you're not as built as the truck you tackled it off.
Still aside from the shredded skin, gouges and half destroyed pack of bandaids - I can happily report that Operation Mansion Move (with thanks to the better half and her parents and their Deathtruck 2000) was a raging success. I'm now in my mansion, I'm now unpacking in my mansion and gosh darnit, it brings a wet eyeball of happiness being in such an awesome place.
My new pad

Every day I wake up in Casa Del Almigo (all three days so far), I find more things that make me smile harder than a smiling hyperactive kiddy encased in an iceberg.
- I have enough lights to outshine vegas and more switches than Elizabeth Taylors husband list. Every room seems to have a choice of lights; light up the left side, light up the right, light up behind you, god the possabilities are endless. I have no idea if the previous owners were really trigger switch happy but they're mine now and it's a huge difference going from a house with one light per room, to one with a 800,000 in the whole house.
- I have a backyard. And I real backyard at this too. Not the landing strip of hellweed that couldn't host a one person bbq to save it self that I've been putting up with for a year. A backyard with space and plants and enough room for the Dog-Of-Doom (TBA) to destroy.
- Big shed. Car sized shed. With room for a weights bench and my myriad of cheap and nasty tools. It's going to be my project room, my break stuff room, my room away from the world. Mmmm, must. What a hard working smell.
- Ducted heating - where the hell have you been all my life? I mean sure it takes a while to warm up the place but with a duct next to the toilet, you won't freeze your ass to the seat while reading War and Peace. A heating system that works in every room?? And not just 4 inches in front of itself like the last one? Luxury!
- Awesome kitchen. Big pantry. Places to do things. The better half's already baked a cake and a roast in it it's that good. I finally have an oven made in this century, one that doesn't require cranking, kicking or throwing a fireball at it to get started. My lifes journey is now complete.
Check out my bathroom!
Of course it goes without saying that I will not miss my previous pad of occupancy. At all. Maybe it was the cheap carpets. Or strip of hellweed out the back. The driveway had a horrible curve like a banged up porn stars manhood. Maybe it was the octogenerian from hell that made things miserable for anyone who visted me - the one that liked nothing and hated anything younger than 70 in that order.
I pity the next poor bastard who signs up to my last ever rental however I wish him/her/it/them all the vey best.
Actually lets be honest here, I don't even care. I'll be too busy trying to work out what switch does what in my new pad...


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