Monday, March 2, 2015

The man with no plan tries to book a wrestling federation

Lookout wrestling world, I've just discovered the brilliantly in depth Extreme Warfare Revenge wrestling simulator.



And with the reigns of the WWE well in hand, I feel the power has completely gone to my head...

Yes you too can download this wicked sim, pretend to be booker of the biggest wrestling promotion in the world and completely drive it into the ground if you feel the need. And since I'm booking from the heart and definitely not from the brain, a downhill slope is where we're heading!

YOU NOW RUN THIS PLACE, DON'T MESS IT UP.

Please don't book my husband in a bra and panties match.

After parking my Stagea where limos usually rest I was greeted by Linda McMahon who welcomed me to the fold, gave me the keys to the executive washroom and pointed out that at the moment she felt I had been doing an average job, regardless of the fact that it was day one. Off to a great start, I immediately renamed the whole company to 'ALMIGO WRESTLING FOUNDATION', walked right into the talent relations and inducted...myself.

WHO IS THIS GREENHORN?

Yes myself, Almigo. With a history of 1 afternoon at a wrestling school and being involved in two matches so far in reality (one as a guest interviewer, one as a heel manager) I figured I would bring a whole new world of wrestling entertainment to the world of...er...World Wrestling Entertainment. Women would scream, men would faint, heels would cower in fear. Yes you can put in your own stats, work out your own contract, even put your own picture in there and set feuds with workers you can't stand in real life. Who doesn't want to book themselves to stardom? (And a couple of title belts along the way...)

AND WE'RE OFF

Loves the attention
We had a pretty solid first couple of weeks as I eased into the whole 'Multi-million wrestling biz thing', booking A Train (yes I know he hasn't been A Train for a while) more times in a month than he's ever been booked before. I also managed to organize some new sponsorship for the place (from Cheap Japanese Toys) and Almigo managed to walk out a winner (amazingly) in his first few matches.
And then someone gave the workers their own email programs and the letters started flowing in...

ONE NEW MESSAGE

Firstly Booker T pointed out that he didn't gel well with the style of Bradshaw and could he have someone else, like Rene Dupree to be matched with. RVD also dropped his thoughts in via email and suggested that he too would like to work with Rene Dupree. Rene never dropped me a message though, obviously enjoying be Mr Popularity in the locker room.

Captain Smug

Brock Lesnar wanted to work with Edge, Shawn Michaels suggested a series with Chris Jericho. The road agent suggested using less Nunzio as the crowds were getting sick of him (I didn't think I was using him that much...)
I took all of these things on board..and then did what I wanted instead.

I DIDN'T PLAY FAVORITES...

...who am I kidding? Of course I did. The Dudleys won, a lot. My heel of the year (I've met him a couple of times in real life and he's a top bloke so I felt he needed a push to the moon and back) was Rob Conway who cheated in ever single match he ever found himself in. John Cena rarely got a match and when he did, rarely won. Almigo did a lot of run ins. Ex members of ECW enjoyed a lot of success. Heyman was involved in a tonne of angles. Plenty of Dusty finishes occurred. Life was good...

Good to be King!


IF I COULD JUST INTERRUPT FOR A SECOND...

Of course not every one enjoyed my booking decisions in my big office usually made after a few Canadian Clubs (funny how they had no problem with I used Tommy Dreamer or Paul Heyman as the automatic booker) and occasionally I butted heads with certain superstars who objected to certain decisions. Big Show and Kane especially. These two often kicked up a stick when booked to lose and at one stage flat out refused to go out if I was planing on putting their 'lesser' opponents over. So once again I took what they had to say and did the exact opposite.

Divas.

Triple H somehow had 'creative control' which meant he could over rule  any decision he didn't like against him. So I conveniently forgot to book him, champion or not. That'll teach you to not lose to Batista..

AND THEN THERE WAS THE FEUD

It was high time I put Almigo in a red hot feud that would put bums on seats and sell a tonne of merchandise. So for some reason I put Almigo in a feud with Hardcore Holly. (In an ultimate world it would have been far more amusing to have Jeff Jarrett in Hollys place but he wasn't available in this roster). In the wise words of most wrestling commentators, what could possibly go wrong?
Plenty it seems as Holly had as much give in him as a concrete tax collector. While he was happy participating in angles and interviews and taking the first win (hey even I know we've got to take a loss or two to get a feud ignited) when it came time to stare at the lights, he flat out refused and couldn't be budged, claiming it was beneath him to lose to me.

His reaction when my music hits...

So *somehow* he wound up in an angle where he was knocked unconscious backstage during a show. And on the same show he *purely accidentally* got *mistakenly* swapped with Big Show in a two on one handicap match.
Oh and I forgot to tell Pat Patterson to tell him it was a loser leaves WWE match.
Have fun in the Indies Hol! (God it's good to be boss!)

BE YOUR OWN BASTARD

So what are you waiting for? Grab it for yourself and revel in the glory where Rob Conway is King and the Rock can't have a single match without Sho Funaki interfering every single time. Grab Extreme Warefare Revenge now!  

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