Saturday, February 11, 2017

Almigo's house of meat and stuff.

Last night I had a truly amazing meal on the Gold Coast Waterfront at a delicious seafood eatery. The beer was crisp, the garlic prawns to the die for, the steak looked a little different to what I was used to but was still tasty and dessert was decidedly decadent.

Excuse me, what is this?


My only niggle? Given that I don't spend much time doing super fine dining (last night's effort was because I won a voucher, this blog really hasn't generated enough revenue to purchase some small fries so far) I struggled to understand roughly some of what was going on...

Like the steak:

'Ooh my steak comes with a taro crisp? Well better order two then!'

Of course I have no idea what a taro is either crisp or stupidly soggy on a good day. I know that in the UK crisps are chips so did it come with one sole chip named taro? That seems a little strange - does the one chip come with a touch of sauce or is that extra?

(I have since consulted my good friend Wikipedia which suggests: Taro commonly refers to the plant Colocasia esculenta, the most widely cultivated species of several plants in the Araceae family which are used as vegetables for their corms, leaves, and petioles.)

This is Taro. It can be made into a crisp which doesn't look like a chip at all.


So I ordered the roulette of (roomanly? Rouletteway? Ruleydooley? I forget the strange name they used for this particular cut of meat) steak diane with this one chip anyway and lo and behold, it turned out to a flat section of this strange vegetable, wedged into a section of mashed potato.
Maybe experienced diners have grown accustomed to the 'florets of pummelled artichokes' and 'fat stack of crippled broken bean husk' but I struggle. I call a spade a spade and my flattened strange vegetable...a flattened strange vegetable.

Which means that in an alternate dimension somewhere, if there is a version of me that owns a restaurant, it's probably the least confusing restaurant of all time. And at a guess, the menu would look like this.

ALMIGO'S HOUSE OF MEAT AND STUFF

Menu:

ENTREE

Party Pies
Lovingly warmed in our pie maker and served with a serviette.

Dim Sims
Hot and tasty and will lead to many a fart later on. Comes with soy sauce.

Hot Dog
Dog in a bun. Drown it in sauce if you feel the need.

Toasted Sanga
Tenderly toasted in our toastie maker and usually including whatever was left over from yesterdays roast of the day, coupled with a cheese single. 

A classic!

MAIN COURSE

Steak
Cooked just the way you like it, provided that's 'Medium'. Served with tonnes of gravy and chips so you have something to mop up the excess gravy with.

Pie
Stuffed with meat and gravy. Baked. Will burn some part of your mouth upon first bite. 

Chicken Schnitzel
Crumbed and deep fried then drenched in gravy. Served with a salad that you'll only eat if you're truly starving.

Pizza
A choice of meatlovers or meatlovers with extra cheese. Meat is at chefs descrection. 

Roast of the day
Could be anything but usually lamb. We love lamb. We tried turkey once and nobody cared, so we went back to lamb. Hope you like lamb.

Salad
Iceberg lettuce and a chopped tomato with a splash of french dressing if there's any left in the fridge.

DESSERT

Bowl of ice cream
Vanilla. Comes with a choice of chocolate or caramel topping.

Zooper Dooper
Many flavors, all of them cold.

Chocolate pudding
Just like nan used to make before she started hearing those voices. Served with a gooey chocolate sauce that will make you put on five kilos just by looking at it. 


Nothing too fancy, no terms anyone doesn't understand, nothing you have to pretend to know. And who doesn't like a big bowl of ice cream at the end of a nice meal out?
So...who's keen to make a booking at my new restaurant then? :D

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