Leon, you've lost us.

Okay I'm not hoighty-toighty enough to demand a red carpet roll out and trumpets to play whenever I walk into a shop (well now that you mention it...) but just for the person I'm dealing with to listen to me. Or anyone really.
It's 2017 - is just 30 seconds of your focus too much to ask for?

It started off over breakfast when I asked my wife when our mobile phone contracts were coming to an end so we could play on which handset to go with next. All she knew was that it was soon so I jumped onto the app and low and behold, it's less than a month to go (and the contract could end as soon as today if I paid the early fee.) So out of interest we popped down to the local Telstra store to find out what phones on a similar plan were available to ooh and ahh over. That's when things went a little sideways...

-A lovely assistant come over to find out what we were after and after jotting down a few notes, promised to find us someone who could help us quick smart.

-She was great on her word, producing Leon (not real name) only 20 seconds later who immediately asked exactly the same question 'What can we help you with today?'. Wait, didn't she take notes? If it wasn't for him, who was it for then? Is she's writing a book about strange adventures like I have??

-Leon nodded through my queries for a bit before bringing us over to the computer to check over my current plan. It turns out that plan that we only took out 23 months ago (2 phones on 1 plan with shared data) no longer exists for whatever reason. But hey, he'd happily sign us both up to a brand new Samsung Galaxy S8, we just had to work out which one.

-We quickly explained that no we weren't after the latest and greatest phone, just a couple of affordable handsets that could do what ours could do around the same price plan. He looked at me like I had just kicked his dog and told me that the S8 was the only phone they sold now. Which didn't explain what the Samsung A5 nor the Samsung S7 were doing on display next to it. But hey, maybe someone had swapped the Telstra sign for 'Samsung S8 only mega store' while I wasn't looking.
Before I could ask about that, he produced figures explaining that it'd be close to $300 a month for two new ones, glossing over the part of the conversation where I explained we'd like to spend the same or less. 'Oh leasing it will make it cheaper!' he beamed, again glossing over that part of the earlier conversation explaining that I wasn't keen to lease a phone (I prefer to have it at the end of the contract) and printed out a paper that explained that it would still be more expensive that what I was spending now.
'So can I sign you up to an S8 each now?'
No Leon.
'I'll put my number on this lease paper so when you're ready to sign up to an S8 you can shoot me a text and I can get your handsets ready.'
Okay, could someone pull the battery out of the S8 robot already?

The answer to your problems here is obviously a brand new Samsung Galaxy S8. Let me get one ready for you..

-Mumbling something about 'Well we've certainly got lots to think about...' we excited the store before Leon 2000 somehow scanned my pocket with his infrared robotic vision and signed us up to two shiny S8's through my credit card before I even made it back to the car. I get that the plan I was quite happy with was no longer an option but please, stop siccing the S8 puppy on me and trying to convince me I need to spend a lot more on a phone that I didn't want in the first place. It was liking being on a car lot and the salesman flat out ignoring the hundreds of sedans on the lot and telling me the only car they sold right now was the Rolls Royce I didn't want nor need.

-We walked into the Vodaphone shop in the same shopping centre where the lovely Jana did not start the conversation with: 'Hello nice weather, here is your S8 now sign here please.' Instead, she went over many options, various phones and plan choices that we could mull over with as much time as we needed. Incredibly after sharing with her our tale of dealing with Galaxy Sales Bot 201, she didn't even direct us anywhere near the S8 section, instead suggesting the Huawei models could be the affordable answer we were looking for. She left us with plenty of info including cost per month, data allowance and not a single demand that we stop looking at other phones and stick with the S8. (Take notes Leon..)

-The next day we signed with Vodaphone and I ended up with a Huawei Mate 9 (really enjoying it so far especially the battery life) while my wife selected the smaller gold version in the P10. After setting it all up we found out that we had walked out with two brand new phones, far more data and all together it was still cheaper than the plan we were on before. When the survey comes through to rate Jana's performance, she's getting five stars all round.

-As for old mate Leon? I'm sure even though we've just walked out on a company that I've been using since I got my first mobile phone back in 1999, he'll still be attempting to shift S8's like there's no tomorrow (or he gets a magnificent bonus for everyone he sells).

You will buy...a Samsung Galaxy S8. Anything else does not compute.

Customer: Hi I came in to buy a charger...

Leon: (Nods and silently points at the Samsung Galaxy S8's on display..)

Customer: But...

Leon: (Stares fiercely while slowing shepherding customer towards the Samsung Galaxy S8..)