Monday, October 30, 2017

Meet my minor nemesis: Grass

So recently I've been sneezing like an out of control shotgun. And whoever came up with the theory that a sneeze is one tenth of an orgasm is obviously an idiot because after 12 in a row I really don't feel really amazing and ready for a deep sleep. Quite the opposite.
A recent doctors visit netted me more medication for my mild asthma, some steroids for my gattling-gun like sneeze blasts and a fun blood test to see if I was allergic to anything. I highlight the fun part because I almost passed out after it complete with blurred vision and loss of hearing for a couple of minutes. Glorious.

Me in comic form before the nose spray started to work

But the tests came back and this morning I returned to the Doc's to find out what's potentially making me drown the world in tsunami like sneezes (well not currently, the steroids seem to be doing a great job.)
It turns out that while I'm not allergic to much, my blood has a slight irritation to grass...

Yep on a scale of one to six with a one being 'You irk me' to six a 'Good god almighty, I want to take your head off right now!', my blood scored a 1 for grass. (And a little high on the cholesterol scale but that's not my story here, focus on the grass bit.) Nowhere near enough for me to avoid lawns completely (which reminds me, I do have to mow mine again soon...damn rains) but enough for my blood to get really annoyed with me if I find myself in a deadly gun battle in the middle of a family picnic and I start shedding my life stuff all over the nice lawns. I don't know if my blood will have a stern word with me but lets not find out shall we?

It exists to annoy my blood.

Nothing else on the test flashed up as a slight irritation at all so dust mites get a pass for now. I don't know if they tested if beer was an irritant in this particular test or not but the doctor didn't say anything about it so I believe that's in the clear too.

And since I'm occasionally proactive (it happens once in a blue moon...and I'm not talking about the beer with the same name) I've decided to limit the following irritants. They more than likely have zero connection to my sneezing attacks, but I will feel much better by avoiding the following in the long run:

- Paying tax

- Episodes of Wynona Earp

- Holiday slide shows at the in laws.

- Work emails outside of work. Or even inside of work for that matter.

- Getting hit by Canadian Destroyers

One to avoid

- Random people attempting to sell me things on my doorstep

 - Unrealistic prices in Facebook classifieds

- Traffic jams

- People who ask me 'is it still for sale?' mere moments after posting something up on Gumtree

- CBT. Never tried it, doesn't sound appealing at all.

- Future blood tests

- People who deny the right of gay and lesbian couples to get married. The world will not end because two members of the same sex who love each other now have a ring and a certificate to symbolize that.

- Those terrible salty rissoles the local butcher makes. Just awful.

- Donald Trump.

- Ebooks with terrible covers.

Wish me luck!


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