I’m not really sure who in the giant Facebook office on
planet social media has the dubiously fun job of coming up with ‘Suggested
posts’, but I think they must be on holidays at the moment. Either that or they’ve
using the time honoured tradition of ‘throw everything at a dart board to see
what we’re going to spam you with’ as their recent suggestions for me have
completely missed the mark…
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| How Facebook works out my interests.. |
Firstly came the chance to invest in multi-national
companies with just a spare $50 note courtesy of some company who I can’t
remember (working well you see). Sadly I did not fall for the startling facts
that come with this one either – did you know that Google stock has risen by
901787286% since 1942? Amazeballs! Apple stock will make me a filthy filthy
Billionaire without having to put pants on every again? Sign me up! All for the
price of half a tank of petrol! Oh Facebook, you know me all too well as I’ve
never EVER believed in hard work to achieve anything!
This would also give me the must needed fundage to purchase
a Just Falafel franchise because according to the ad, it’s the fastest ever
growing Falafel business in the heady world of Falafelism and by doing this I
could join the FALAFELUTION! Viva la Falafel! Thanks Facespam, I’d completely
forgotten how little I cared about the wonderful wide world of obscure falafel
franchising!
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| Boy is this add hitting the mark! |
It was obviously a well calculated move to spam me with ads
for online gambling shortly thereafter, now that I’d made enough money to wipe
my bum with spare hundreds – I mean now that I owned both Apple and Google and
was the Father of the Falafelution, I’d need something to blow hideously huge
wads of cash on. Luckily PKR.net and Doubledown Casino have let me know through
Facebook that they’re there, whenever I’m ready. I also get a whole MILLION
CHIPS when I sign up to Doubledown which is an incredibly tempting offer
considering I punt as often as a poor uni student eats sirloin steak.
And what happens when I bet it all on black in a high stakes
poker room and leave with just the socks on my feet and some pocket change?
Well I can still win a mini ipad at Hungry Jacks! Of course I just have to take
a picture of myself smearing popcorn chicken all over my chiselled abs (er…maybe
I didn’t read that correctly) but the first thing I plan to do when I get my
hands on said ipad is to shoot an email through to the ‘Suggested posts’
section of Zuckerbook and thank them profoundly for such a remarkable
suggestion.
(I’ve completely glossed over the amazing offer for the
bright orange floppy Macbookpro keyboard that Faceybook has suggested I should
examine courtesy of Deals360 – not just that fact that I don’t need a Datsun
Sunburst Orange colored keyboard anytime soon, more so the fact that I don’t
own a Macbookpro. Nor have I mentioned Macbookpro’s at any stage during my
illustrious Facebook updating career. Strange.)
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| Why does she look stunned that I have less than 1000 fans?? |
So what’s your favourite
‘Hoo boy, have you ever missed the mark here?’ Facebook suggested post?
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