In today's June Flashback we harp back to a time when attempting to impress Kesha/Ke$sha was all the rage...
Current outdated Ke$ha impress
techniques failing to fire? Not sure what will be the 'deal clincher' when it
comes to getting Ke$ha's attention? Going to be stuck in a situation where a
handy guide to impressing singer Ke$ha might actually be useful? Well you're in
luck my star struck fan - here's 5 ways you can gain her attention, impress her
at the same and hopefully spark up a conversation*
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| Currently unimpressed - quick, read the guide! |
*Once potential conversation has
started, you're on your own.
5. CHANGE YOUR NAME TO 'HANNIBAL'
Ke$ha's last two album names are
'Animal' and 'Cannibal'. Eliminating non favorable options such as 'Terrible'
and 'God awful' (what about 'Land Mammal?)', she really doesn't have too many
options left come album naming time. By legally changing your name to sound
similar to Dr Lectors first name, you'll not only inspire her next album,
you'll probably also feature on a track as well.*
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| This bloke is a big fan |
*About alcohol, undoubtedly.
4. ACTUALLY CARE WHAT HER MIDDLE
NAME IS
According to Wikipedia, it's 'Rose'.
Rose. Remember this and you're ahead of the pack. She says she knows you don't
care what her middle name is (Rose) but here's your chance to prove her wrong.
Impressive!
3. ANNOY P DIDDY
There are two people who wake up in
the morning, feeling like P Diddy. One is Ke$ha, who apparently has the ability
to wake up as 41 year old male black rapper and the other is 41 year old male
black rapper, P Diddy himself. Now unless your name happens to start with P and
your surname is amazingly 'Diddy', the chances of you waking up like either
Ke$ha or Sean Combs is truly slim.
However if you cut out the middle
man (and words) to the lyrics 'Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy' down
to the much more manageable 'Wake up P Diddy', you're in with a shot of
truly impressing one of the two people who wake up like that. How you do that
is entirely up to you but we suggest that as soon as P Diddy is awake, unless
you're well known to him, run. You may have an issue with his mansions security
on route to waking Mr Combs but don't let that stop you.
(Waking him with breakfast and a
glass of Hennessey might stave off the beating by the bodyguards for a few
moments at least.)
2. LET HER FEATURE WITH YOU
Song + other artist appearance =
chart climber. And Ke$ha will jump at any chance to be featured on pretty much any
song. Just ask 3OH3, Taio Cruz, Flo Rida, Drake, Katy Perry, everyone
really - they all have songs feat Ke$sha. So create a song, any song
really, any style, give it a name and invite her to be featured on it.
It doesn't matter if you make the song or not, just the fact that you've
invited her to be part of it is enough to score Ke$ha impressed brownie points.
Almigo feat Ke$ha - The opening of a
letter. Radio ratings gold!
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| No idea who this is but she's ready to sing with Ke$ha |
Which of course leaves tip number...
1. BRUSH YOUR TEETH WITH THIS:
We all know that Ke$ha is beyond
tooth decay, gingivitis and other mouth diseases as she's proudly proclaimed to
brushing her teeth with a bottle of Jack Daniels. This has undoubtedly led to
millions of fans ditching the fluoride and picking up some Kentucky sour mash
instead. Apart from the obvious health ramifications of brushing your teeth
(not to mention the hazards of having a belt of bourbon for breakfast) with
Jack, there's the fact that now JD is so commonplace, you will no longer stand
out of the bourbon brushing crowd.
Unless your mouthwash of choice is
16 year old Hirsch reserve, a $300 a pop lady killing mash of bourbon goodness.
Pop that next to your toothbrush and with a bit of luck, Ke$ha will pop hers
next to yours..
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