I read last week that The Rock (aka Dwayne Johnson aka The former most electrifying man in all of sports entertainment aka Do You Smell What I'm Cooking Now) is set to be part of one of the latest video game and Hollywood smash ups: Rampage.
And when he's finished ridding the world of George, Lizzie and Ralph - we've come up with a few more video game inspired films he might like to raise the People's Eyebrow at..
First though, some Rampage backstory:
For the uninitiated Rampage is a video game series where three former humans somehow turn into three giant city destroying monsters and proceed from town to town smashing buildings, stomping tanks and eating passer bys. It's the same feeling you get when you discover your windshield full of parking fines.
Do you try to stop the monsters? Hell no, you are the monsters. Which means it's up to you to smash buildings down back to bedrock and crush tanks with mad abandon before the army finally remembers where they left their nukes after a big weekend and zaps you back to soon to be convicted for life human scientist.
Or alternatively if you ever played it like my brother and I did on the humble Sega Master System 2 back in the day, destroying civilizations became secondary to punching the taste out of each others monsters and trying to not get caught holding onto a collapsing building. Oh the hours spent ignoring the human resistance for the chance to eat anything we could find...glory days.
How the Rock is going to factor into this construction toppling madness is anyone's guess. But since Hollywood seems to be getting a wee bit excited about video games (See: Pixels), we've come up with a few more video games Mr Johnson could get behind once someone throws enough money at them:
G.R.O.W.L
We've already explained how awesome G.R.O.W.L is previously here at Almigo's Adventures and adding the Rock into this as an animal loving, quad missile launching activist would be a no brainer for Hollywood to start painting their walls with gold. There's already a character that looks like Ron Pearlman in there already so the combination of both him and the Rock = awesome sauce level Maximum (even if it turns out to be rubbish,)
GOLDEN AXE
Although he wasn't a part of the rebooted Conan the Barbarian film, the Rock's already got oodles of experience swinging a large weapon with his shirt off (see: The Scorpion King, Hercules) and thanks to the torture he undoubtedly experienced playing the Tooth Fairy once, putting him with a short bearded weirdo and Xena the Warrior princess would be no big thing! Quick Hollywood, do this before Game Of Thrones calls it quits!
NARC
It reads like a bad 80's movie in desperate need of a reboot: A city under siege by drug dealers and only two cops can save it! Maybe Stone Cold Steve Austin can play the other one in between producing podcasts? (And I had no idea they'd actually updated this for the PS2 and PC in 2005!)
FALLOUT 3/NEW VEGAS
Actually regardless of whether the Rock was in this or not I'd still be excited - who wouldn't? He's probably a touch too muscular for someone who has spent their entire life growing up in a vault but I'm sure he could play a big part in post apocalypse wherever.
(Actually he's probably the right size for a Supermutant come to think of it...)
Which leaves:
 |
| Do these monsters smell what he's cooking? |
And when he's finished ridding the world of George, Lizzie and Ralph - we've come up with a few more video game inspired films he might like to raise the People's Eyebrow at..
First though, some Rampage backstory:
 |
| GEORGE SMASH! |
For the uninitiated Rampage is a video game series where three former humans somehow turn into three giant city destroying monsters and proceed from town to town smashing buildings, stomping tanks and eating passer bys. It's the same feeling you get when you discover your windshield full of parking fines.
Do you try to stop the monsters? Hell no, you are the monsters. Which means it's up to you to smash buildings down back to bedrock and crush tanks with mad abandon before the army finally remembers where they left their nukes after a big weekend and zaps you back to soon to be convicted for life human scientist.
Or alternatively if you ever played it like my brother and I did on the humble Sega Master System 2 back in the day, destroying civilizations became secondary to punching the taste out of each others monsters and trying to not get caught holding onto a collapsing building. Oh the hours spent ignoring the human resistance for the chance to eat anything we could find...glory days.
 |
| They even took on the world! |
G.R.O.W.L
 |
| YES!!! |
We've already explained how awesome G.R.O.W.L is previously here at Almigo's Adventures and adding the Rock into this as an animal loving, quad missile launching activist would be a no brainer for Hollywood to start painting their walls with gold. There's already a character that looks like Ron Pearlman in there already so the combination of both him and the Rock = awesome sauce level Maximum (even if it turns out to be rubbish,)
GOLDEN AXE
 |
| Rarg! |
Although he wasn't a part of the rebooted Conan the Barbarian film, the Rock's already got oodles of experience swinging a large weapon with his shirt off (see: The Scorpion King, Hercules) and thanks to the torture he undoubtedly experienced playing the Tooth Fairy once, putting him with a short bearded weirdo and Xena the Warrior princess would be no big thing! Quick Hollywood, do this before Game Of Thrones calls it quits!
NARC
 |
| Just say yes to this idea kids! |
It reads like a bad 80's movie in desperate need of a reboot: A city under siege by drug dealers and only two cops can save it! Maybe Stone Cold Steve Austin can play the other one in between producing podcasts? (And I had no idea they'd actually updated this for the PS2 and PC in 2005!)
FALLOUT 3/NEW VEGAS
Actually regardless of whether the Rock was in this or not I'd still be excited - who wouldn't? He's probably a touch too muscular for someone who has spent their entire life growing up in a vault but I'm sure he could play a big part in post apocalypse wherever.
(Actually he's probably the right size for a Supermutant come to think of it...)
 |
| Lay the Smackdown! |
Which leaves:
CRACKDOWN
City under siege (again), massive guns, hordes of enemies and explosions, grenades, power ups, fast cars and the ability to pick up said fast cars and hurl them into enemies while jumping so high you start to annoy passing planes. Only one super enhanced man (resurrected many times if you play like I do) can save the day. And that one man would have to be....the ROCK!
Alright Hollywood, I've done the legwork for you....now get going! (p.s I'd like a cameo in any of the above as thanks. Cheers! -Almigo)
City under siege (again), massive guns, hordes of enemies and explosions, grenades, power ups, fast cars and the ability to pick up said fast cars and hurl them into enemies while jumping so high you start to annoy passing planes. Only one super enhanced man (resurrected many times if you play like I do) can save the day. And that one man would have to be....the ROCK!
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