I've been annoying quite a lot of people recently. And let's be honest, sometimes it's the highlight of my day...
Nigerian 419 scammers and fraudsters mostly although a few of these shitheels seem to hail from Benin (according to the address they want cheques forwarded to.) Of course it's not just these two areas of the world specifically but that seems to be where the spam mail traffic is coming from. People who really should stop scamming and getting a real job.
-Emails asking for help in moving mythical money and a tasty chunk of it in return for my 'services.'
-Lottery winnings of untold millions...from lotteries I never bought a ticket for.
-Soldiers that have somehow tripped over a chest full of dodgy dictator gold and if I help them out, I'll be able to drown myself in much gold riches, risk free.
-Apparently I have a lot of rich relatives that die, a lot. Of course they completely forget to do a will and thankfully some helpful bank employee from a financial institution I've never heard of wants me to get my well deserved funds. After they fleece me some sizable transfer fees of course.
-Hilariously I get incredibly lazy emails like this one where they assume that if they just put 'UN' somewhere, then I will firmly believe without a shadow of a doubt that they are indeed hailing from the United Nations. And the UN wants to give me money:
(I mean how could you not believe that??)
I go along with their initial emails in a straight laced fashion 'Hmm, this sounds intriguing please tell me more' and 'I'm going to be rich? Goodness me, what do I have to do next?' with a few back and forth normal emails.
And then the wheels come off and I cause no end of frustration.
-They ask me to call and I always complain that their phone doesn't work. Then they ask for my phone number and I happily provide them one...to a random payphone in another country somewhere.
-When supplying them with a number for anything (usually a payment number for a money service like Western Union or Moneygram) I always write it out one digit short. When they point out that it's one number short, I provide the missing number. But to make it interesting I don't tell them where in the sequence it's supposed to go...
-I use terrible English and occasionally gibberish. For an occasional writer, this is an incredibly therapeutic thing to do after so much time trying to form perfect sentences.
-Wang
-I completely deviate from their plans and attempted direction of me into foolishly paying money for something. And unsurprisingly they either keep trying (repeatedly banging their heads into walls over the frustration I cause) or give up and practically hurl abuse at me over email before disappearing into the internet ether. And when this happens, it thrills me to no end.
-You can read some of my previous work in frustrating some of these idiots with Rex Enaflex and the Magical Manhood, The Hero of Hospitality applies at the Hilton and more recently Please Don't Ignore this Massage.
THE WHO
Nigerian 419 scammers and fraudsters mostly although a few of these shitheels seem to hail from Benin (according to the address they want cheques forwarded to.) Of course it's not just these two areas of the world specifically but that seems to be where the spam mail traffic is coming from. People who really should stop scamming and getting a real job.
 |
| This idiot wanted to join my church. It didn't end well. |
THE WHAT
-Emails asking for help in moving mythical money and a tasty chunk of it in return for my 'services.'
-Lottery winnings of untold millions...from lotteries I never bought a ticket for.
-Soldiers that have somehow tripped over a chest full of dodgy dictator gold and if I help them out, I'll be able to drown myself in much gold riches, risk free.
-Apparently I have a lot of rich relatives that die, a lot. Of course they completely forget to do a will and thankfully some helpful bank employee from a financial institution I've never heard of wants me to get my well deserved funds. After they fleece me some sizable transfer fees of course.
-Hilariously I get incredibly lazy emails like this one where they assume that if they just put 'UN' somewhere, then I will firmly believe without a shadow of a doubt that they are indeed hailing from the United Nations. And the UN wants to give me money:
HELLO,
FROM UNITED NATIONS/EU YOUR EMAIL WAS AMONG LISTED TO BE COMPENSATION.
HAVE YOU DONE ANY TRANSACTION BEFORE THERE IS A SOLUTION FOR IT
LIKE INHERITANCE PAYMENT OR CONTRACT PAYMENT OR LOTTO OR LOAN . GET
BACK TO ME. OTHER HAVE BEEN PAID
MRS.CHERON
UN. (I mean how could you not believe that??)
 |
| Forgive the fact that this photo was taken with a potato, that is a scammer wearing a t-shirt...with a picture of me on the back! What a score! |
THE HOW
I go along with their initial emails in a straight laced fashion 'Hmm, this sounds intriguing please tell me more' and 'I'm going to be rich? Goodness me, what do I have to do next?' with a few back and forth normal emails.
And then the wheels come off and I cause no end of frustration.
-They ask me to call and I always complain that their phone doesn't work. Then they ask for my phone number and I happily provide them one...to a random payphone in another country somewhere.
-When supplying them with a number for anything (usually a payment number for a money service like Western Union or Moneygram) I always write it out one digit short. When they point out that it's one number short, I provide the missing number. But to make it interesting I don't tell them where in the sequence it's supposed to go...
-I use terrible English and occasionally gibberish. For an occasional writer, this is an incredibly therapeutic thing to do after so much time trying to form perfect sentences.
Hullo Fred,
I go to Moneygram office in Senzouh St and I fill form - woman look at where you are and say 'No can do foolish Wang, this man scammer!'
She say scammer live in Benin.
You no lie now! Is you scammer??
-I completely deviate from their plans and attempted direction of me into foolishly paying money for something. And unsurprisingly they either keep trying (repeatedly banging their heads into walls over the frustration I cause) or give up and practically hurl abuse at me over email before disappearing into the internet ether. And when this happens, it thrills me to no end.
-You can read some of my previous work in frustrating some of these idiots with Rex Enaflex and the Magical Manhood, The Hero of Hospitality applies at the Hilton and more recently Please Don't Ignore this Massage.
I can hear their screams of frustration from here
And after fishing through quite a few of my idiot scammer correspondence, I've fished out some of the more entertaining savage replies and bellows of frustration...and put them into video form! There's normal wails, there's utter frustration and there's the ones that question my sanity. However they all add up to the same thing - I've wasted their time (for a time) and hopefully someone else has dodged a scammer bullet in doing so.
You're welcome. Now enjoy this video ;)
(Disclaimer: plenty of shitheel scammers were annoyed in this video...)
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