It's almost a daily occurrence for this tiny blog island in the great ocean known as the interwebs, grab a big brew and sip away while trawling Google Analytics in the aim of streamlining this site. Wading in my my giant ladle, it's amazing what gets scooped out in the big bowl of search results.
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| Coffee and a mask - I am prepared for anything! |
Turns out there's a lot of things that people are still searching for today after all these years..
LIKE MY (LACK OF) ABS, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE FINE TUNING BABY!
Otherwise how are people going to find this site, laugh like crazy at all the posts, click each ad with mad abandon and then tell the world about it with a huge series of creative Tik Toks? The more readers I get, the more of that earning stuff drips through Amazon, the closer to drowning in Ferrari F40's I get (I'm still a while off obviously..) and the more invites I get to be part of chat shows like Graham Norton and Alan Carr (current invite numbers: 0)
So what are people still trying to hunt down (and end up here?)
FOR THE LOVE OF NETBALL
The first one is still both delightful and astounding in the same breath that almost 10 years on and over 462 million and counting streams on Spotify later, people are still confused at what Flo Rida's epic masterpiece Whistle is actually about. My Google Analytics soup is almost choked up with various search strings related to this incredible ditty. In the space of a year, well the top ten searches that land right into this domain pretty much speaks for itself.
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| This is just the top 10. The searches continue well past 100 |
Now if you are in a similar ship of confusion and you've been sailing for answers with little success, allow me to illuminate your fog of doubt. Flo Rida's Whistle Song is actually about... (not what you think.)
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| Thanks for all the hits you've provided Mr Flo (to this site that is) |
MY NICKNAME
Now I'm not exactly sure if it's a) One stalker b) Many stalkers or c) I've got a nickname that relates to something I'm completely unaware of but 'Almigo' turns up as the next major search in the list (right after the hundreds of queries about Whistling Blow Jobs and songs about Netballs.)
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| Still being stalked after all this time. Nutsy not so much. |
Or maybe I'm more famous than I think I am. If that's the case then there's a stunning lack of money involved here so being a searched internet celeb seriously doesn't seem worth it. It would be nice if it was all for the book with the same name as this page but I've checked the coin coming in from that today and it's more missing than a V12 Aston Martin with 9 cylinders out of action.
So fess up, who keeps looking for me?
Or Lara?
BEING LARA BINGLE
The show started here in Australia in 2012, ended a year later and having not seen a single episode (I'll be honest, it wasn't on the list of my top 10,000 shows I enjoy watching) I came up with a few possibly alternatives.
Flash forward to 2021 and the show still garners the occasional google search. Is this from Lara watching it again? Is someone reliving reality TV from roughly a decade ago while in lockdown? (I mean lockdown can make you do strange things...I get that..) Are we bracing ourselves for a possible reboot?
Does that mean I'm going to have to write another alternative reality tv article again? (Or perhaps Channel 10 have read my original post and decided to give some of those ideas a burl. I'd like a finders fee/creators fee if that's the case please - it won't be much, a decent Toyota Aurion with less than 100,000km would be a good start..)
THE 2015 MELBOURNE CUP
I'm deeply confused by this one. At the time of writing it's an event that happened six years ago and yet it still gets searched today. Did something major happen that my overly caffeined mind has managed to gloss over? (Well Michelle Payne was the first female jockey to win the cup in 2015 - but the searches that get here are just about the race itself so I'm still not sure.)
Due to Covid, the chances of this happening again trackside are pretty slim.
Back then I tried my convoluted process of picking a winner. This was of course after unsuccessfully trying to land a winner in the 2014 and 2013 Melbourne Cups. And after some tough crunching and calculations, figured that Bondi Beach would romp it in.
It came 16th.
I did pick 3rd correctly so there's something I guess..
SAUSAGE SOFTWARE
Back in 2012 I remembered a banner hanging in a random internet café from years ago (remember those? You may still be in one now if you're in a 419 scammer from Nigeria) promoting Sausage Software being advertised and I wondered in blog post form all about it (and an article I remembered reading about the creator.) The guy that built the company (hi Steve!) tracked down my ramblings and swung by to say hi which was awesome in itself and then talked about his love of cars, racing, Burning Man and living in San Fran.
By the time I wrote about it it had been 12 years since Sausage had merged into merged into SMS Management and Technology. Which means as of now, it's been 21 years since the merge and since it was changed names.
And people are still searching it and on occasion, dropping by this page. That's pretty impressive two and a bit decades on. Top job there Steve!
SOFIA SHAW
No no, not the late daughter of Robbo and Lauren Shaw from Home and Away! (Do I look like your typical Home and Away viewer?) The supposed Mrs Sofia Shaw, the scammer from Nigeria, the same Sofia Shaw that wanted to give me a massage originally.
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| Not this Sofia Shaw (Google Image Search) |
Maybe it's the name she/he/they/it are using from the dingy Nigerian internet café or maybe they've managed to bulk email the most paranoid batch of potential victims across the world wide web - whatever it is, thankfully they are Googling her fake name first, reading up on their dodgy shenanigan's and hopefully throwing the scam email head first into the trash. And that includes my warning from two years back not to deal with this idiot which does make me feel good that a post from a couple of years ago is potentially stopping even more scams today.
Take that fake Sofia!
TWO DOLLAR STEAK
Look, are people genuinely looking for the cheapest (and at that price point possibly the toughest) steak on the market? Or like me did they enjoy legendary wrestling commentator Jim Ross using it to describe various wrestlers back in the day?
Whatever it is I'm sure it's not a focused search on my amazing Saw Horse that I whipped up one afternoon back in 2015. And yet the search continues today and traffic keeps coming in from it so thank you bargain meat hunters! (Did it inspire you to build your own sawhorse?)
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| I wish I still had this honestly, it worked perfectly. |
CARPET SALESMAN
Another true headscratcher to me this one, yet people are Googling that exact sentence 'Carpet Salesman'. Is that the dream job of 2021? Has the position of astronaut become so unobtainable we all have to aim just a smidge lower and look to sell shag pile instead? Are carpet salesmen and women secretly all multi-millionaires? I really don't know. But there is a search volume and some of comes here for a butchers, strangely enough.
How disappointed must they be when they discover the carpet salesman I'm referring to is from a PC role playing game and spends more time stealing stuff to sell and getting stabbed than actually selling a single carpet..
And finally...
AGADOO CAR SEAT
(Okay it's only ever had one hit through this site but it's too good not to include)
This is Agadoo by Black Lace.
This is a car seat.
In what unholy union do these two things collide????? (And why is someone searching for them??)
A quick check myself shows me there is no car seat by the name of Agadoo. I'd still love to know exactly what it was though the original searcher was looking for, unless it was in fact a Black Lace inspired baby car seat in which case God help us all..
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