Oh dear, it's deadshit dial up day!
*Content warning: some creative swearing ahead!
I must have really given a black cat a Canadian Destroyer under a ladder straight onto a flimsy mirror. That can only explain how I managed to cop so much bad luck, getting annoyed by no less than 8 separate shitheel dialers in the space of one workday. Yeah 8 across a single work day, if getting scam calls was an event in Tokyo right now, I'd be parading around with a bronze, possibly even a silver medal right now.
My mobile rings and it's another mobile or landline I don't recognise..
I'VE DONE SOMETHING DODGY WITH MY TAX AND AM MERE SECONDS AWAY FROM GETTING ARRESTED, ALLEGEDY.
Well it starts with a recorded message stating something along those lines. Police are on their way, the jig is up! However if I press 1 on my keypad, I can talk to someone on the other end of this completely random phone call and plead my innocence.
Or pay my way out of this. Actually I think that's what they'd prefer, ponying up so I won't spend the night in the slammer.
(God only knows how much that fee is, I've never lasted that long in the call to find out.)
What they don't want you to do, is sing a song down the line to them. They don't enjoy this, trust me. Acting like a crazy old nutter and whispering death threats while dropping the C word every three words annoys them too. Once they asked me to spell my name, so I did...confusing it by spelling out Y-O-U F-U-C-K-H-E-A-D instead (I managed to get up to H before they got it and hung up.)
SO NOW THAT WE KNOW THE GAME, LET'S MEET TODAYS SCAMMING SUCKHOLES
A hot slimy dim sim related death to the following cousin fornicators who took it in turns to annoy me today with the same 'You're in trouble, fix it by pressing 1' scam on me.
So in fairness, I'm posting the numbers they dialed me on. I feel it's only fair to warn the general public while they struggle to find their next sucker while eyeing off their hirsute cousins.
0409951284
0409060247
0280796214 - Funnily enough my phone somehow worked out that these were donkey didlers before the number came up, labelling it POTENTIAL FRAUD as it dialed in.
0392762650
0409951272
0409951230
0402997159
0386132298
If you've googled any of these numbers and ended up here, you've copped a call from a dodgy scamshit who attends family reunions for breeding purposes. Dodgy dickheads who fart in their own bath and bite the bubbles. No you're not a Dodgy Dennis Tax Dodger like the message states. No the cops are not on their way for a sit down and a little chat. They're trying to fleece you of your hard earned and that's it and deserve your scorn or even better, a block on your phone.
Under no circumstances should you press 1 and unleash verbal diarhea down the phone because they wouldn't like that. Or a crafty song about attractive cousins - don't ask me how I know this. (Actually on a serious note, pressing 1 possibly admits to them that your number works and might put you on a list of suckers somewhere so maybe not. Block these carnal cousin creepers instead.)
I'M FINISHING UP THIS POST WITH A SLIGHTLY PARANOID THOUGHT..
I've gone a couple of months without a single one of these goat lovers and all of a sudden, 8 dog pile me for shits and giggles. I wonder what triggered them? I mean the only thing I did differently in the last 24 hours was post up an ad on a famous classifieds site named after a tree. My phone number isn't visible but...nah, there couldn't be a connection. Could there?
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