Welcome to Towns, try not to get killed by a Yeti

I've just discovered that the PC Game Towns is still installed on my computer from yonks ago. Let's fire it up and find out if my villagers are just as stupid today as I remember them being years ago when I first played it!

'Good people, lend me your ears! Before we get started, just a quick speech from I, your beloved leader. Firstly I thank you for doing so well on this trip to the snow. Yes I know it is cold and yes I am aware that those yeti's lurking just behind the rocks look a little hungry. But we've only been here for a mere handful of seconds so undoubtedly they will leave us alone for now, surely. 

As you are aware, our journey is far from over. In fact you may say it has just begun as we build up a new town, a better town, a stronger town here in these cold lands - stronger than the one we have left behind. To do that we will need to work together, band together and strive fo-

For the emperor!

'Gemina, what do you think you're doing? Nooooooooo!'

Deciding that actions speak far louder than rousing speeches, Gemina rushes forward without the aid of either weapons or armour and begins to trade blows with a nearby Yeti. In record time she is reduced to a grisly jelly while the others look on in either cold or confusion, I can't really tell which. 

'Now why the hell did she go and do that? Good people, hear me, we can't just throw ourselves into battle! We must stockpile our supplies, build arms an-

'For the Omnisiah!'

'Wait, what- oh god!'

Missing the point of the warning speech completely, Jacob decides to wade in and engage the nearest Yeti with just his bare hands, because this worked so well when Gemina did it. In less than sixty seconds of playing this evil game, two of my Townsmen have decided that they don't want to freeze to death, they'd much rather duke it out and be torn to shreds by the local wildlife.

'Everybody BACK AWAY! Get away from the Yetis! We need WEAPONS! Help me gather wood and build a stockpile so....oh for F*&&s sake Roger! ROGER, NO!'

The wood gathering goes as well as you'd expect with these frozen idiots as Roger completely ignores my orders for chopping trees and tries to chop down a yeti instead, completely unarmed. Never let it be said that my people aren't brave, just recklessly stupid. 
As a consequence the snow is starting to be covered in gore. My townies are getting massacred. I'd bury the fallen if I wasn't worried about even more Yeti attacks or the survivors attempting to headbutt the next Yeti they see into submission because that seems their favourite past time now. 

'Look....if we stay together...and don't wander off...maybe we'll make it through this....as a group. Let's do a headcount...wait, where is David? ....David??'

(From the other side of the land) 'Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggguuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrhhhhhhh!'

'Oh god...'

The Yeti's don't seem sated yet. God only knows why, it's not like they haven't just indulged in an all you can eat idiot fest.

'NOBODY MOVE! DO NOT COLLECT WOOD, DO NOT CHECK ON THE FALLEN! THEY'RE ALL DEAD OKAY, DEAD, D-E-A-D AKA MEATPASTE! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, DO NOT WANDER OF-'

(From the other side of the land) 'Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggguuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrhhhhhhh!'

'FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

Firmly believing her husband David would do just fine with his Martial Arts against the fury of a now blood frenzied Yeti, Monica wanders over to play cheerleader. However when she see's what's left of him, she too enters a blood fuelled rage and seeing nothing but the red of war, throws herself head first into battle. I mean these beasts have got to let their guards down sooner or later don't they?  

A minute and a half into playing and five of my future villagers are now fertiliser. No wonder I stopped playing this a while back.

'Good people, one final word....RUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Towns is a PC Game available on Steam. However given it was never finished and is inherently frustrating as shown above, it's probably best avoided.