Skip to main content

Now with Pfizer 1.0 upgrade!

Yeah finally got the first jab today! So far no side effects but if this injection is truly sentient and can sense what I'm typing at the moment, can it do some fine tuning while it's raging around my system? Cheers.

DEAR PFIZER, COULD YOU PLEASE HAVE A LOOK AT..

-Switching off my asthma. While it's not as bad as others, it can sound like an aging steam train trying to drag race an angry Aston Martin. Trust me, I've never found a need yet to produce wheezing noises on command. If you could just remove the triggers for this I would be grateful.

-Eradicating my sinusitis. After forever (okay 6 months) I've finally got an appointment with the local Ear Nose and Throat specialist so I can stop destroying amazon forest levels of tissue boxes with my cold like symptoms and I can get my sense of smell back. While it does have some benefits (not being able to smell my kids dropping farts) I do miss the smell of my wife's cooking, freshly cut grass, ground coffee, baked bread etc. But if you could solve this problem before my appointment, it will save me a couple of hundred bucks which I could spend on something trivial (current idea: A 3d printer..)

-Can you turn one arm cybernetic? I'm not fussy on which one either. It will come in handy lifting heavy things, throwing heavy things and wrenching on stubborn car parts. You never know when you might need to punch a hole through something in a hurry either..

-Crashing my cholesterol. I haven't checked it for a while, it may need to drop a few points..

-Doing one weird trick to eliminate belly fat. Like those annoying ads I've never clicked on that used to flash up on various websites from time to time. You don't have to go super chiseled here, more make my abs pop and my wife swoon when I walk by without a shirt on.. 

-Sync with my phone so I never get anymore of those dodgy Tax Fraud phone calls. Apparently you're working hand in hand with 5G already so this request shouldn't be that hard. Actually if you could just go a step further and somehow give them the bubonic plague every time they call anyone, I'm sure the world would be incredible thankful. 

-Finally no more lockdowns. I understand the necessity but have you tried home schooling my kids for a whole month? 

Anyway, thanks for your help and not making me sick first time around. Apparently it comes with the second install which is roughly two weeks away. Fair enough then. If you could just work on the list above before that happens, I'd be very happy. 

Cheers
-Almigo

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The true meaning of Flo Rida's song 'Whistle'..

The whistle song? What's it about? Read on! Controversial I know but I'm about to reveal the true meaning behind the Whistle song by Flo Rida. Why? Because I'm getting the general feeling that people around me are really missing the true spirit of Mr Rida's epic masterpiece... We're getting right into the real Flo, yo. After all this time, it's still all about that wisal baby song!

Mortal Engines for the Emperor!

Now maybe it's just me and maybe I've read far too much into the Warhammer 40K lore and universe...but I'm seeing a lot of parallels between it and the now available on Netflix movie Mortal Engines..

Please don't ignore this massage

It's been a while between scam emails - life has been life, work has been hectic, I've been grunting and sweating my way through my exercise sessions and so I've been putting responding to random idiots through my email on the back burner.  Until today when I was kindly asked not to 'ignore this massage.' I hope it's a hot stone one! Trust me, I NEVER ignore a massage. Better set the record straight then...