It's time to go...Bixby

Gah, right now it seems like my phones possessed. And no matter how hard I try to remember, I don't recall ever inviting the Samsung program Bixby to come and hang out with me..

THE PHONE: Samsung S20 FE, metallic super car red

THE PROBLEM: Samsung Bixby pops up when you least expect it ready to render assistance or solve the world's problems by transcribing the current conversation it was never invited to be a part of in the first place.

Now I'm not unfamiliar with yelling at various devices to get things done around the house. The Google Home Mini does very well in playing music and the radio station I work at when we ask it to. When he remembers to plug it in, my son can often be heard starting conversations with 'Hey Alexa' followed by requests for bizarre YouTube songs on his Echo 5.
We even had Cortana for a while on the Xbox One which was more hit and miss. 

But what they all had in common was that like Beetlejuice, you had to use their name to summon them to attention. However unlike Beetlejuice, they wouldn't intentionally destroy the house down around them once called. 

I can play music!

My current version of Sumsung Bixby though? You don't ask it to activate, it takes that role on itself and for some strange reason likes to appear midway through the occasional morning meeting. My boss Mal will explain what's happening on the weekend and without even coming close to uttering the words 'Bixby, jump in here when you're ready..' suddenly it's opened up on my phone and listening intently.

So intently that when I look down to see it doing strange things and utter the words 'Oh for f***s sake Bixby, not again!' it transcribes that too, thinking it needs to and unaware that once again I'm cursing its very existence. Is there another word that triggers this app that I don't know about? Is Bixby powered by the words 'Led Zepplin', 'Powderfinger' or 'The weekend's music is ready?' I'm not sure.

I'm also not sure why at 3am when I double tap the phone to see how much longer I can sleep before the alarm goes off thanks to the cat mucking about loudly, Bixby activates and stands by ready to record whatever words of wisdom whisper from my lips that early in the morning. 

(I'm not sure what it's going to do with 'F##king cat' but that's its problem not mine.)

After announcing itself in the middle of coffee and conversation, randomly triggered by words that had nothing to do with, I finally jumped into settings and turned the damn thing off. Although I'm sure it'll find some way to magically reinsert itself into my life soon enough, possibly when I ask my wife what's she's currently cooking of all things..