Sigh, all I wanted to do was buy a second hand airbrush. Instead I end up trapped in a lengthy conversation with a former film producer who swears there were more back-ups to the hit Rom-Com four weddings and a funeral than the public was aware of..
Seriously, this is last time I buy something through Facey Classified again..
FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL ALTERNATIVES
- 3 WEDDINGS, 2 FUNERALS
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| 'When it's finished yo, it'll go BRAP BRAAAAAAAAAPPP BRAAAAAP!!!' |
There's a lot going on in the life of the Fast N The Furious family. Dominic Torretto (Vin Diesel) is keen to settle down with the love of his life Michelle O'Hell (played by Evanna Lynch) and put all of his psht turbo days behind him. Roman (Tyrese Gibson) wants to marry two Mazda rotary engines together to create a bastard 26B dorito machine and Tej (Ludacris) is keen to walk down the aisle the the busload of Netballers he met while on vacation in Burford, West Oxfordshire.
But before the three days of celebration (and loud brapping) can come together, our intrepid team must take on the threat of two former enemies who have joined forces to eradicate both street racing and Luda rapping about postcodes ever again. Major Wahoo Simpkins (Marty Janetty) and Serious Stoney (Colin Friels) are out to make the lives of our heroes absolute hell and the friend squad will have to out-run, out-build, out-slide, out-house (wait..) and out-think these two evil geniuses to make it to the church and garage in time.
Can some apex seals and a larger exhaust save the day?
TWO WEDDINGS, TRIPLE FUNERALS
This truck is beyond filthy!
Former assassin turned dump truck cleaner Susie Fischersmith (Jennifer Anniston) is in a bit of a pickle, she can't decide who to marry! Does she say I do to Joey Hammerthrow (Sascha Baron Cohen) who she's been dating on and off for the last five years or that handsome brooding stranger who's just joined the dump truck cleaning family, Dave Dinkins? (Played by Mick Foley.)
However before she can make that life changing decision, she needs to thwart the plans of her three evil-exes (Joey Styles, Gordon Ramsey and Sigourney Weaver) who are under the delusion that she's now worth millions and who will stop at nothing to get the non existent coin! It's a case of: Here comes the bride...armed to the teeth!
FOUR FUNERALS AND A WEDDING
Your face on a stone? Well yes, we can provide that option.
Just a handful of days from a well deserved retirement, funeral director Gareth Noticeboard (Anthony Hopkins) is getting set to marry his mail order bride (Megan Fox) at a lavish ceremony at the Three Seasons caravan park. The trouble is, none of the dead he helped bury are staying dead and now he's got a funeral home full of zombies to deal with!
Just when he thought he'd seen the last of the Zambaloono family (Micky Zambaloono played by David Willis) they're back to take a bite out of proceedings! And of course his future in-laws have turned up at the worst time possible, why wouldn't they?
Good Guy Gareth's about to find out first hand how flammable formaldehyde truly is!
And finally...
JUST FUNERALS, ZERO WEDDINGS
It's the late 90's and with the CSIRO cleanse diet raging out of control, the funeral industry is on its last legs. Nobody is dying in a hurry, nobody needs to take a dirt nap for decades. Luckily young grave digger John Wick (Keanu Reeves) stumbles across a horrible plot from the local mafia to bump up the price of kale for smoothies to astronomical levels and takes it upon himself to correct that situation.
But as the bullets fly and the cemetery holes begin to fill, John will discover some evil plans brewing in the industry he once loved involving an airdrop of Krispy Kreme donuts. With just a homeless blind dietician (Sam Neil) in his corner, can the young Mr Wick turn the tables in time or is there a plot with his name on it waiting in the cemetery he calls home? Find out in this amazing John Wick prequel!
For the record, the airbrush wasn't much chop. I'll keep looking..
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