Junk and conversation

The book is $5, the conversation you never asked for nor never ends is free...

So still in the town that rhymes with 'Flakkin Dander!' and while waiting for the pub with no name to build my chicken burger from a molecular level, replacing the odd DNA string with a lot of salt, I went for a walk.

Luckily in amongst the touristy shops full of art I'll never understand, there's quite a few junk stores to rummage through which I quite enjoy. Unluckily the prices were astronomical (like buying a used car in 2022, the numbers of the tags were eye watering) and by that reasoning, one particular shop must have had 1.2 billion dollars worth crammed in there. 

Right across the road there was also a mini junk emporium - well more a garage sale haphazardly thrown across the front garden. But it had random odds and ends and that piqued my interest. In amongst the flotsam and jetsam, I found a book.

Now normally the story of a pizza empire isn't high up on the list of my reading wants but I have a relation in the pizza business game and so I took a pic of it just to be amusing. When I returned to the pub where everyone was still waiting for just about everything, I showed the inlaws..who thought it would be a great laugh to actually buy it. 

So 5 hours later and full of salt, I directed them to the book in question while the seller sat patiently by, possibly working out how many millions we were walking through the gate with.

'Back left.' I directed the in laws.

'I'm sorry...what did you just say then?' The seller asked, mightily confused.

'Uh...I was just directing the folks here to a book I saw earlier..' I replied, wondering if I'd accidentally let some exotic French fly or maybe I'd wished her death in her native tongue.

'Oh I'm sorry, I was at the SOMETHING SOMETHING SWAP SOMETHING I DIDN'T CATCH yesterday from 5:30 in the morning to 6:10 at night and so I'm not so sharp today..'

Right.

'Now what's the title of the book you're talking about?'

I located the tome of pizza history and held it up, initiating the first lengthy saga speech. 

'Oh yes, I remember seeing them at the 5 ways when they opened up back in the day, are you local?'

'Er..only a couple of years..'

'Yes, 1988 it was..' she continued, ignoring the fact that I haven't been in my latest town of residence for the last 32 years. 'And wouldn't you know it? They had a man in a bird costume, flapping his wings..' And off she went, recounting the history of the shop while I wished I suddenly had the power of teleportation.

Having raided their Colorado for the last bit of spare change, my mother in law handed over the pile shrapnel to buy the bible of baked Italian food, only to be met with another lengthy saga tale.

'This reminds me of just yesterday, when I was selling an Akubra hat and this twenty something girl wanted to buy it and-'

It was like one of those interactive displays you find at a museum where you press a button and for the next 45 minutes a voice drones on boring you into slumber while disecting an exhibit. Those buttons that kids on a school tour who really don't want to be there love to thump before scampering off giggling. And once they get started, nothing short of power failure is going to shut things down again.

I've never met this 20 something that admitted 'not being good at math' but boy did I feel sorry for her as this woman decided she needed a quick lesson in currency which included note recognition, addition, subtraction and the history of coinage just to buy a $35 hat with a $50 note. We heard all about how this woman held up each and every note in the poor girls wallet and like a patronising teacher, asked 'now what's this one?' while admonishing the current state of the school system. 

'Back away slowly Baz, don't make eye contact..' I murmured to my father in law, doing just that myself. As I rounded the corner to where I'd parked the car, she was still going, talking away while the mother in law attempted to extricate herself unsuccessfully. 

After jumping in the car, it was a half hour drive home. And after turning off the engine when I parked and listening carefully, I swear I could still hear her natting away.

It's the day after and you know what? I'm still feeling sorry for that unknown 20 year old..