Temu Wolverine and the raspberry choc chip muffins.

Some days, like today, I really wish I was Wolverine. I don't mean in the sense of his razor-sharp claws. There's no one currently on my radar that needs to be on the receiving end of some kind of slashing attack like that. Well not yet anyway. I want to be Wolverine for his adamantium-laced skeleton and even his healing factor would actually be really really helpful right about now. Although in saying that in all of the adventures that I've read or seen or listened to via audiobook, I don't think there's ever been a case in the life of the Canadian Super Hero where he's ever been caught unawares while trying to deliver chocolate chip muffins to his workplace in the dark. 

Marvel writers reading on, you're more than welcome to borrow this storyline if you like if you suddenly run short on ideas. 

***
It's just after 5:00 in the morning. It's pitch black outside. I've just stepped out of the shower and my mind is kind of busy with everything that I need to deal with on a Friday: Get through the show. Help out my wife at the local school canteen. Patiently deal with children who have no concept of money and try to buy three drinks with a laundry token and then do what I need to do so the weekend can finally begin. Oh and I've got to deliver this box of muffins safely. 

Okay a little bit of an explanation here. I don't work for a bakery. I work at a radio station but at the moment my wife is fundraising for a great cause called Country Hope. As part of her fundraising efforts she's been baking muffins. They've gone down an absolute treat in previous weeks at work and so one of my co-workers put in an order and said, "Could your lovely wife Donna please whip up a batch of six muffins for myself and my team?" That's exactly what she did, which meant that I had to deliver them safely earlier this morning before the work group turned up ready to face the day of script writing and radio production. 

Given how cold it was, I wasn't dressed like this. Although the story would be far funnier if I had been.

The big issue today was though that when I set foot outside it was all of 0.5°. There is a temperature gauge on top of the Elders' building near where I live and, interestingly, it read -2 butor the most part let's just say it was cold and not just cold, frosty cold.

A co-worker earlier this morning revealed that he spent all of five minutes pouring water on his windshield just to get it to the point where he could see through it clearly. Yes frosty weather! It's always unwelcome this time of year, especially when I am walking on the back deck to then walk downstairs to the garage to jump in the car, turn on the heaters, and hopefully warm myself up by the time I hit work, which isn't that far away.

However being a very, very frosty Friday morning and being pitch black, I didn't see nor notice until it was far too late that the back deck and the ramp that leads into the garden that leads downstairs to the garage were frosted over. Suddenly my shoes that don't have much grip to begin with had even less of this stuff and I found myself getting head over heels while juggling a box of muffins. 

And unlike taking a traditional wrestling bump, where you know it's coming and you're trying your hardest to smooth your landing before you hit the canvas:

• Well firstly there was no canvas to land on in this case. It was just cold, frosty, hard, unforgiving, almost frozen wood with very little if any give to actually give..
• Secondly it's very, very hard to brace yourself for anything when you're trying your darndest not to drop the box of muffins you're holding. I had the muffins in one hand, which meant I only had one hand free to brace myself and so I landed on my hand, arm, hip, and bum roughly at about the same time with a fair amount of force behind it.

Deadly in the dark when it turns into an unwanted ski slope.

Now to my credit the muffins stayed in my hand and didn't hit the nearby ground. Even more surprising, I didn't scream out at the top of my voice or drop a f-bombshell (as much as I wanted to) that woke up the entire neighborhood. However it's fair to say it hurt. I'm writing this close to 12 hours after the fact and it's still hurting. I won't be surprised if I wake up tomorrow with a couple of interesting bruises and it's been a while since I've taken a fall such as this although I'm happy to report nothing's broken or even sprained (that I'm aware of - results may vary tomorrow of course.) 

Which is why right now I wouldn't mind being Wolverine. Because while the wooden deck frozen over outside was hard, his skeleton wrapped in the toughest metal around is much harder. But even better with the healing factor? Short of vaporizing him without a trace to come back from, you could throw him off a building and a short time later he'll be flying around healed up like nothing happened at all. How I wish that was the case here so I won't wake up tomorrow wondering which bus drove right into my side. 46 and not feeling anywhere near as indestructible as I did in my 20's sadly.

But hey, I saved the muffins. And the coworker who bought them absolutely loved my efforts in saving them. They told me they were moist and delicious and tasted so much better without any of my backyard on them.  

You may have stopped Magneto's evil plans time and time again Logan, but have you ever saved the muffins and your co-workers morning tea hunger? 

 

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