The world's worst gardener is now taking your questions

I've spent the last couple of afternoons working up a sweat in the overgrown jungle I like to call my backyard. Therefore I feel almost overqualified to answer all of your gardening related questions. Let's see what people have been wondering!
Where I learnt my craft.

Problems with weed.

Dear Almigo,

I have lots of weeds. They're everywhere. Any more weed and I'll have the boys and girls in blue round at my place asking some incredibly probing questions. How do I get rid of all of these weeds?

-Wendy Wellweed

Dear Wendy,

In this instance I highly recommend weedkiller.



Problems with Mrs Miggens

Dear Almigo,

How do I keep bugs off my prize winning tomatoes? If my tomatoes come second place to Mrs Miggens in the Royal Ascot Tomato Fury Supreme Fruit Off 2015 I'll go beserk!


Dear Frank,

Quite a predicament! Have you tried some weedkiller?



Problems with vision

Dear Almigo,

My Rhodesias aren't as bright as I'd like. Any suggestions?

-Andrew Amazinggrace

Dear Amazingface,

Quite a common problem that one. Try some weedkiller. Cheers.



Dear Almigo,

How in the seven hells am I supposed to grow a full bed of dodecahedrons when the damn things won't bloom no matter what I try? I've put them in full sun,  partial sun, fun in the sun and even Sunday Bloody Sunday. Is the government at fault or should I use some of that rare blood magic my insane uncle keeps screaming about?
Please help!!

-Gnar, level 10 Druid

Dear Gnar,

A dodecahedron is a shape. I'd suggest you stop drinking that weedkiller.




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