Confused as to who is who and what's going on in the Netflix series Wu Assassins? Hey me Wu! I mean, too!
Luckily after a handful of episodes I've come up with a rough character guide so you don't confuse your food van super chefs with your lunatic killer monks. Oh wait...
Kai Jin - Future Iron Chef, multiple monk personality, expert martial artist, nice guy not keen on a day trip to the dark side.
All Kai wants to do is cook. Not get dragged into the filthy underworld by his pyromaniac Uncle, not punch on with the Triad, just cook. Of course the show isn't called Wu Chinese Five Spice Sizzling Steak Assassins and therefore our favorite chef ends up embued with the spirits of 1000 sacrificial monks to battle five Wu Warlords, one of which has conveniently warmed the cockles of his Uncle's heart. Because...he's the last one around that can do this with an automatic monk upgrade. So now Kai can kick some ass first (while looking like one of the monks on board so no one knows it's him) and then slice and dice his way to culinary perfection.
Ying Ying - Irritating monk teacher, original Wu Assassin, turtle lover and obsessed with both drowning and burning people, especially Kai.
Introducing herself by pretending to be hit with a food van (I kid you not) Ying turns up the worst times to conduct various lessons in Murderous Monk Mayhem. And she does this in a mystical lane way where time is hungover which means a grinding 12 hour lesson in rock bashing only equals half a heartbeat in reality. Happy to kill everyone who deserves it and putting heads in water and hands in fire provided it's not hers. Not likely to win a teacher of the year award anytime soon.
Uncle Six - Most stylish bad guy in the last decade, amazing Uncle when not trying to kill you, one man bbq machine and CEO of the bank of busted fingers
Love him or fear him, there's no doubting that Uncle Six has been possessed by the Wu Warlord of creepy fire related death and the god of super threads as he wins the award of 'sharpest dressed man on the planet' in every single episode. Even in the flashbacks when we see him swanning about in the equivalent of a Kung Fu jumpsuit the man makes it look good. He'll back you financially and steal your soul in the process, smile warmly while you burn to death fiercely and protect his own family to the ends of the earth unless a) There's a business deal in not doing so or b) They're trying to stop his fireball throwing ways.
Protected by ancient fire magic, a killer bodyguard and an army of Triad goons. Makes every business decision look sharp with what he's wearing.
Wants Kai to cook for him constantly. I get that, Kai seems like a great chef.
Jenny Wah - Hard working restaurant owner lumped with an idiot brother and stupidly unhappy parents. Pays off restaurant reservations by punching people in illegal fights. Bona-fide badass.
Running a restaurant is hard. It's even tougher when your heroin addict of a brother keeps bringing his triad mates around for drinks and a punch up, Uncle Six steals your old chef and short of setting the place on fire or creating a time machine to go back to 1998, you'll never please your parents who are the definitive experts on making a restaurant look dull. And yet when the day is over, rather than sink into the couch with some well earned glasses of Chardonnay, Jenny turns up to the illegal fights and rakes in more money by kicking seven shades of snot out of anything that moves.
(Not enough yet to pay Uncle Six back but she's working on it).
Borrowing from the head of the Triads aside, she doesn't want them anywhere near the restaurant which is sound advice for anyone really but then we haven't introduced her brother yet, the grand master of the ruined plan.
A great fighter too except she's still looking for the weak spot of Six's bodyguard.
Lu Xin Lee - Smooth talking wheeler dealer who likes fast cars, not being arrested for anything and biting off far more than he can chew in a business sense.
Runner up in the best looking gent competition (Six being the grand champion and all), great friend of Kai's Lu keeps himself busy with stolen cars for the Triad, stolen cars for Alec the crime lord, making sure the triad doesn't find out he's also working for Alec and missing the fact that his latest garage employee and car jacker is actually an undercover cop. Still in between his car location service and hanging out at the local cafe wooing every woman in the building, Kai seems like a great mate especially when your van gets attacked by a hail of baseball bats.
Apparently getting a job in his business is as easy as stealing his car. If only all jobs worked like that.
Thomas Wah - Bum of a brother, tinkler of the ivories, punching bag for the Triad.
Tommy plays a mean piano (no we're not referencing Pepper by the Butthole Surfers here even though it is a great song) and when not smacked off his face or getting smacked IN the face, he seems like a genuinely nice kid. It's his choice of habits and the company he keeps that's really bringing his world down. Convinced that he's a full blooded member of the triads and that his 'brothers' will stand by him always, they'd much prefer to use him as target practice or an extra set of hands when needed...and that's about it. Terribly forgetful when you tell him of your peanut allergy, Tommy is great at mooching money off Jenny, pissing off his parents (again), ticking off his Triad brothers and spending a lot of time flying (while laying prone on the ground if you get my drift.)
Still yet to do anything useful in the shows so far but knowing that, will probably sacrifice himself to save the world or something. Or get punched up again. Stay tuned!
Zan - Terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.
Triad Lieutenant and the human equivalent of a T-800 Terminator, Zan wipes the kitchen floor with Jenny. Literally. And does it in a way that makes it look so easy, like she's just tieing up her shoe laces. Potentially afraid of nothing. Balls the size of grapefruits. Tougher than $2 steak. Awesome.
CG - Will steal your car, turn up in your dreams and shower off your blood when you get into a fist fight with your uncle. Handy to know.
Undercover officer aiming to take down the mobs, get to Alec and prevent a gang war (she doesn't do well at this, just ask the small party at the karaoke joint) CG can fight, can steal your car and will knock your lights out if there's a slight chance someone will recognize her. She lives in a very nice place that seems a lot better than what the average cop could afford so there's a fair chance she's hocked off a few Ferarri's she's found in her travels.
Currently confused by Kai's obsession with Monk's and the fire coming out of Uncle Six's hands..
And finally..
Alisdair Alec McCulough - He's got wood.
Turning up for the first time in all of sixty seconds in the latest episode I've watched, I have it on good authority that Alec is also a Wu Bastard and deals with wood. Given that his competitor Six deals with fire, this could get messy.
Great to see Tommy Flannigan back to his bad guy ways after Sons of Anarchy.
Right, any questions so far?
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