The location has been sorted, the media and authorities have been notified (Mantaur purposely gave them the wrong address so no drunken shenanigan's could be witnessed) and the local opportunity shops raided for only the finest of sub $20 suits all round.
Yes it's time for the Team Almigo Supercoach awards night!
(This glorious adventure starts roughly 16 weeks ago when I was invited to join the workplace Supercoach competition and knowing precious little about most things, especially footy,
how could I say no?)
Let's face it, it's been a busy few months of looking at screens, yelling at apps and hallway conversation about plans for each round. And even though we narrowly missed out on a spot in the finals (not looking at anyone in particular here Zorko..) I feel it's only fair to host an awards night for my greats.
And the not so greats.
Hell even those who lasted a single game before getting cut. Why the hell not?
THE VENUE FOR AWARDS NIGHT
It's one from my glory days of radio where I learnt...uh...well I'm not sure what I learnt from the copious amounts of drinks from this place, some pretty awful dancing? What Hamilton nightlife was all about? Look, I'm still working on it.
Still, it comes with rave reviews!
Immediately Wallstreet finds fault with the wine offerings.
Call yourself a bar? I don't see a single bottle of Duck Flat 2001 chardonnay anywhere!
Also wine in a can? Egads man, I am not an animal!
To get the show warmed up, Mantaur tries comedy!
What did one secret agent cow say to the other? Are you udder cover?
Hello? Is this on?
Okay the night has begun, let's hand out some awards!
DOING THIS IN REVERSE ORDER, WE START WITH THE UGLY
CLOTHESLINED BY A SEAGULL AS SOON AS THEIR FEET HIT THE GRASS AWARD (THANKS TO INGHAM CHICKEN)
Awarded to the player who scored the lowest score during the time they played for Team Almigo for whatever reason.
AND THE WINNER IS...
Shannon Hurn!
Round 4 and mere minutes into the game against the Bulldogs, Hurn cops a Soleus injury that sees him score a mere 6 points before limping off, out for the next 5 games. It's not all doom and gloom for Hurn though as he's currently part of Tim's team and top of the ladder so talk about turning the tables on his injury..
Runner up: Dion Prestia, Tom Lynch
NEVER TIED UP THE LACES AWARD (THANKS TO PENFOLDS PINE, ASK ABOUT THEIR NEW SUSTAINABLE PINE PLANTATION TODAY!)
Awarded to the player who never came off the bench the entire time they were part of the team lineup.
AND THE WINNER IS...
Baschar Houli!
Okay so it was no fault of his own, I was waiting for his dodgy foot injury to come good again. Unfortunately it took too long and I was forced to let him go before it healed, just so I could free up some much needed bench space.
At least he got a great view of the first few games during his time on the pine..
While drinks are refreshed for the next round of awards, Disco takes to the ring stage for a 2021 year in review wrap up...in interpretive dance!
A long 15 and a half minutes later he finally finishes and on with the awards we go!
THE BAD
HUNG AROUND FOR THE LENGTH OF A CUP OF COFFEE AWARD (THANKS TO INTERNATIONAL ROAST.
Awarded to a player who turned up for a round and then got cut the next round for whatever reason (injury, a better offer, rubbish performance.) The winner in this category showed the least about of performance the entire game they showed up for.
THE WINNER: Luke McDonald!
Not only did he last just one round before being delisted again, he didn't score a single point for the team that round! (Injury from memory). Plenty of others came and went by the end of season but at least they put some rounds up on the board.. (Luke did go on to score plenty of points across the year, just not for me..)
RUNNERS UP: Jack Martin, Patrick Dangerfield, Nick Vlaustin, Mitch Robinson, Nathan Broad
THE SUB 100 TROPHY (THANKS TO SUBWAY)
Most players scored 100+ at least once across the length of their journey this year. The winner obviously didn't..
THE WINNER: Luke McDonald!
RUNNERS UP: Shaun Burgoyne, Dion Prestia, Jack Martin, Patrick Dangerfield,
See, I told you he went on to score points for other teams....just not many.
CHARLIE SHEEN FALL FROM GRACE AWARD
Awarded to the player with the largest gap between their best and worst scores AKA the most spectacular slide from dizzying highs to super lows.
And the winner is....Josh Bruce! (137 difference between best and worst game)
He had a blinder in round 3 with a stonking great 172 points as he and the rest of the Dogs ran rampant over the roos and then 4 rounds later he fell asleep at the wheel with just 35. There was one more 100+ score shortly after that but nothing in the realms of the original stomping. Maybe next year?
As excitement builds for the part of the award ceremony the players are actually keen on, Freddie Fartmonger tries his hardest to calm everyone done with a quick haiku stolen from Reddit about...well you guessed it.
Subtle flatulence
Whispery tendrils of stench
Silent but deadly.
Okay, there's the negatives done now look at the positives!
THE GOOD
THE ELTON JOHN I'M STILL STANDING AFTER ALL THIS TIME TROPHY
Awarded to the player or players who were picked in round 1 and managed to last the entire season without being dropped or traded.
AND THE WINNERS ARE: Scott Pendlebury, Dusty Martin, Hugh Greenwood, Hugh McCluggage, Dane Zorko!
Incredibly I went through 44 different players across season 2021 but these founding five (just 26% of my original round one lineup) went the distance and slogged it out to the very end. That's a solid team right there! (If a team was only 5 players and 0 subs deep).
And it's not the final time a couple of these long lasting legends are going to be awarded tonight either, just saying...
BEST DEFENDER
Jordan Dawson
Replacing the not so great Henderson back in round 6, the last thing I had expected Dawson to do was end up here as the best Defender but here we are. For a full five rounds he stopped the ball going one way and sent it back the other way and did it better than anyone else! Well done daws!
BEST MIDFIELDER
Scott Pendlebury
It was rare that Penders failed to fire across 2021 and even his worst performance (43) put in somewhere in the middle of the low scoring side of my midfield. Proved from round 1 how good he was (on a couple of occasions either getting the highest score of any player or getting near to it) and never gave me a moment to doubt it ever.
BEST RUCK
Tim English
Only joining the squad for five rounds, had he not had a personal best in round 4 while he was around, we'd be talking about Hickey right now who was only a mere 2 points behind. But that best was under my reign and therefore he's the big winner of the Ruc award this year (considering there was only 4 across the season, he's done really well!)
BEST FORWARD
Dane Zorko
You'd think (and I was hoping) that it was Dusty but no, The Zork Machine ran rampant across 2021. Yes the
stats back in round 5 suggested he was giving a few points away, yes not having him available in my last gasp attack to get into the finals series cost me big time and yes Bruce scored higher but not while working with me, so you can't take anything away from the Zorkinated. One of my most dominating and much desired players from other coaches, god only knows where we'd be without him..
FINALLY, TEAM ALMIGO PLAYER OF THE YEAR...
They got the highest score in the time they were with the team which no doubt helped with a much needed (and rare) victory.
Scott Pendlebury!
Helped kicked things off and never left, solid performance every weekend as previously stated even on his rare bad day he wasn't as rough as some of the others. We have 167 solid reasons why Penders is number one (and for the record Zorko was very close on 162 and Dusty 158) and the next time we play, those three are going to be the core I plan to build around...
...if they're still available by the time I get to pick my selections of course. Who knows what's going to happen in 2022..
And that's a wrap for this years Supercoach kids and thanks for being a part of this huge awards ceremony. Now if you could all leave in an orderly manne-
Sigh, never mind. See you next year!
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