The world is doomed (Also up for a swap?)

The education system is horrifically broken. The world will soon enough be ruled by idiots who will undoubtedly try do something stupid like eat it, after they accidentally kill the meek. Basic understanding has now eroded to an afterthought, relegated to a tiny footnote in a book that no one will ever read, because they no longer have that ability.

And before you start wondering, I'm basing that opening paragraph purely on most of the people who have enquired about buying my car...

THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME MY CANOE HAS FOUGHT AGAINST THE TIDE IN THE OCEAN OF IDIOTS.

My old Rx7. Boy I wished I still had it, based on current value alone.

Years ago when I was attempting to sell both my Mazda Rx7 and Toyota Soarer, the idiots came crawling out of the woodwork like both cars were a shining beacon like magnet for stupidity. Text's in the middle of the night, offers so low they could only be laughed at, statements such as how much for cash? (Well what else were you going to pay me in? Rocks?) Along with many a tire kicker, mad haggler, ghost messenger and general broke time waster hoping I'd cave in under pressure.

Said Soarer. Great to drive at high speeds, not so much at low.

(I ended up chronicling a lot of the frustration later on in my first book The Adventures of Almigo <Amazon Affiliate Link> These wonderful people copped a whole chapter of my ire and I was hoping such entertaining events wouldn't happen again anytime soon. Fat chance.)

FAST FORWARD TO NOW

Once again I'm learning the hard way that if the car you're advertising is both imported and turbocharged, the floodgates fly open and those that get too distracted by something shiny (or social media) come torrenting in, ready to completely ignore your open paragraph - doubly so if the words NO SWAPS can clearly be seen without the aid of sight enhancement

Because the ad clearly says NO SWAPS because I don't want anything in trade, only cash. Cash is King, swaps are the plague bearer chained up in the deepest dungeon below the castle currently coughing a lung out. I don't care how good your Falcon looks on 20s, I don't want it.

-I also don't want your Rx8 funnily enough (my first swap offer)

-Or the Falcon mentioned above (why would I need wheels that big anyway?)

-Or your 95% finished Honda project (Maybe finish it before offering to swap for it?)

-But what about a 2007 v36 sedan 3.5HR auto 5 speed? I actually copied the part of the ad that clearly says NO SWAPS and sent it back to him. Strangely I got no follow up.

Seriously if my car for sale was an electric fence and NO SWAPS was actually a warning not to touch it I know as soon as I turned my back, I'd have a line of idiots not reading the warning to proceeding to whizz on the fence just to see what happens.

A SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO MATH MALCOLM

Obviously not his real name, I can't be bothered tracking down his originally details as he's off somewhere else trying his terrible maths on someone else. But he's one of the responders who have opened up the conversation with 'What's your lowest?'

(Can I just say that I can't understand for the life of me why people do this. You haven't inspected the car, you haven't come around for a test drive and a closer look at any issues. In the time since the ad I could have ripped out the engine and replaced it with a ripped up ottoman found on someone's nature strip and yet all you care about is opening the negotiations sight unseen. I mean do you want this ottoman in there instead? See the car, see any faults, bargain after that. But no...)

Math Malcom (via message): What's your lowest?

Me: 9k right now

Math Malcolm: How does 6k sound?

How does it sound? Like you completely missed the part where I told you what the lowest was. Look, it's right there! It couldn't be any clearer if I 3d printed the words in clear filament and express posted my creation to your house. But no, you're right, my asking price is way too high, Please offer near half and let me print you a certificate to award your savvy. 
Suffice to say Malcolm didn't get car. The messages starting with 'What's your lowest?' have no ceased either.

THERE WAS ALSO THE SCAM IDIOT

And that was fun for a couple of days before they scurried back into the swamps to annoy someone else trying to sell their car..

AND FINALLY, THIS IS NOT A PIZZA

Clearly ignoring the part where it says 'Currently unregistered' followed up with a sentence 'Registration has run out' I have had a couple of questions about if I'm able to drive it to a prospective buyer....roughly 3 hours away.

Okay let's look past the fact that it's unregistered and short of a trailer or a special permit once you buy it, nobody is driving it anywhere without risk of unwanted police attention and instead hone onto the fact that you're asking me to drive three hours for you to um and ah about it and possibly not buy it before having to turn back and drive another three hours home. 
Also if you do buy it from the comfort of your own home, I then have to figure out a way to get back to mine.

This request is up there with the Gumtree favourite of 'What kind of discount do I get because I have to travel?'. In the history of bargaining, has that ever worked? Someone did ask me just that when selling my guitar and was promptly ignored. You want it, be willing to travel. It's not my problem you're far away from the place of sale and no you're not getting rewarded for it. 

I've never delivered a car I was selling and when buying, never expected it to be driven to my house. Common courtesy kids, come and get it. 

(Special mention to a previous buyer who wanted to know the nearest bus stop near my house, how much are tickets and did I have a timetable? Holy Joker turds batman, I'm selling junk from my garage not running a public transport system here!) 

SO THE CAR IS STILL HERE, FOR SALE

Not trade, for sale. No swaps, you buy now. And yes, before you hit that 'is is still available' button on Facey or Gumtree with your forehead, know that is. I'm sure there'll be plenty more random buyer related rubbish to add to this post too before too long, in fact I'm counting on it. 

In the meantime I think I'll go hide in my bunker. Yes it gets lonely in there but alone the average IQ suddenly returns to relatively normal levels.,,
. 

EDIT: ONE DAY AFTER POSTING THIS

-An offer comes in for less than half of my asking price...

-Someone asks if I'm 100% on my no swap thing. I mean I thought I made it pretty clear but just in case I change my mind, he does have some kind of kitted out Turbo diesel thing he'd like to trade with a whole heap more mileage on it than my wagon if I'm keen..

AFTER TWO DAYS

-An offer to buy just the wheels! Sadly I'm not parting it out but I did reply back asking what he was planning to put the wheels on and still haven't heard back. Good luck in your wheel search!

4 DAYS+

-'What's wrong with it?' Missing the helpful link with even more pictures in the middle as well as the detailed write up about everything wrong that I know about. So I just sent them the link they missed.

LATER ON

-Looking at the profile of someone asking me how low I'll go on the car, the occupation is listed as 'Straight up Gangsta.' The profile is full of pictures of 2Pac. Did he ever drive a wagon? Not sure. But I gave my lowest price and left it there.

-A Gumtree message that consisted of just the word 'Swaps?' and nothing else. I didn't bother getting back to that one.

-Someone offering to drive up and take it off my hands for just $5000 which is less than half of what I'm asking for. Do people really think that works? I just laughed and his message joined the bin with the others.

LATEST UPDATE

-The car is now up on eBay as a classified. I've already been contacted by someone who I suspect has already asked about it more than once on previous postings and I've come to this conclusion after a few back and forth messages explaining that yes the price is negotiable but I'm not dropping it dramatically due to distance.
As soon as they read the words I'd never discount a car due to distance and wouldn't expect someone to do that for me they were gone. 
Guess what they'd asked for previously?

-Another interested buyer was very keen on it right up until he discovered it was turbo. Which is a no-no on P plates here in Australia. Sigh...

-'It doesn't say where the car is based in the ad mate!'
No but the map down the bottom of the post pointing out the town certainly does. Buyer asked if he could come around on the Monday for a look and never showed. Probably couldn't read a map.

-Another buyer was super keen on it until I revealed to come around and have a look from where he was based was roughly a 13 hour road trip, not counting any stops. Read the map kids, please.