Nada Fajita Torpedoes - Meet the team!

So a short time ago I revealed that I went looking for bargain priced NFTs and somehow wound up running my own block chain soccer club, having no idea about anything including the game, the team or what the hell I'm doing on the site every time I log in.

So what could possibly go wrong here? While we work that out, let's meet the team!

INTRODUCING NADA FAJITA TORPEDOS FC

JULIAN DRAXLER - 'BABY GOT DRAX'

The first of my 12 current players that I know absolutely zero about. There's stats in there if I truly want to drill down and work out who seems to know about the game of football but that's a lot of hard work and I didn't get this far in random club management by pouring over stats like 'passing', 'attacking' and 'general' whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. 

Anywhoos, when I signed up to be coach of this dynamic band of random hooligans, Julian here was one of the first mystery pics out of 'these guys aren't actually nfts' box. And since Sorare gives me so precious little in terms of player bios, I'm going to have to do what I do best: namely make gear up.

Born on the cold side of a vast mountain, Julian is a master at hiding behind boulders and in caves. Unfortunately there aren't too many of either on a soccer field but he remains ever vigilant when it comes to looking out for both mountain goats and passing bandits during every game.

One of his favorite things to do is win games. Soccer ideally but if he wins Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit, look out, you won't hear the end of it for the rest of the month.

He is the mortal enemy of landmines and likes his pasta al dente.

KARIM BENZEMA - 'ENZO BENZO'

Comes with a higher number on his card compared to the rest of the team - does this mean he's one of my better players or does it signify how many push-ups he can do without break? No idea.

Karim loves Lamborghini's to almost extreme levels and its not uncommon to hear him attempting to converse in Lambo V12. He doesn't own one yet but if you squint while wearing a sack on your head, his VW Golf comes vaguely close. 

Has been the runner up in the Mr Indonesia competition for three years straight which is a pretty mighty feet considering he's not Indonesian and never entered the competition in the first place.

He has nicknamed his left foot 'Thor Thumper.' We're not sure what the right one is called, apparently he's not on speaking terms with it.

MASAYA TASHIRO - 'CHUCKLES TASHI'

Five star defending.

Four star passing.

Zero star ability at plumbing.

The practical joker of the team, Masaya once hilariously sold every other players contracts to another random Sorare coach for a big Mac and medium coke and it took weeks of negotiation to get everyone back. 

Likes to warm up for a big match with a quick round of musical chairs. He often wins this as more often than not, he's the only one playing.

He's fluent in 12 languages but has never actually explained which ones they are.

Allergic to getting hit in the knees with heavy machinery.

YANICK VAN OSCH - 'TWO STORY TOWNHOUSE'

Comes with zero stars in the general category. How is that even possible? Surely a player at this level should have a general level of soccer prowess or at least have a vague idea how the game goes..

Not related to Rip Van Winkle.

Loves real estate so much, he was once quoted as saying that in the next life he'd live to come back as a four bedroom with a double garage.

Likes to yell 'Goooooooaaaaallllll' as loud as he can every time one is scored. Even if the ball has slipped past his five star goal keeping skills.

CHARLIE MULGREW - 'FREE FLOWING'

Gets 5 stars in everything except attacking which gets a solid four. Looks hideously excited about that fact too.

Funny story about Charlie - I'd share it here but the team lawyer suggested it would be best in the long run if I didn't.

Charlie actually arrived at the club rooms to fix the showers and was accidentally signed up to be part of the team. He finds playing with the Nada Fajita Torpedoes far more entertaining that unblocking sinks and getting fingers stuck to PVC cement.

He likes rice and has quite the collection.

DIMITRIOS GOUTAS -  'BURNING GAZE'

Four star general player. 

Doesn't dress up like an army general sadly.

Likes to burn an old pair of socks as a pre game ritual. Usually being worn by an opposition player at the time. 

Loves beef Stroganoff so much that once he left a game halfway through it to see if the stadium kitchen was serving any. 

Can't resist dancing to Eagle Rock when it comes on, even if it's in the dying minutes of an action packed game. 

EMANUEL GYASI - 'GYASI POTTER'

Rubbish at passing (zero stars) but a wiz defender. Sadly does not dress up as a Wizard.

Often heard saying 'I'm a wizard Harry!' during practise. 

Once asked to be traded to Hogwarts until it was pointed out that they don't actually have a dedicated soccer team and no, qudditch isn't even close. 

Likes to throw hexes at opposition players, their coach, supporters, banner makers, the drinks kid and Pamela Anderson. He's never really explained that last one. 

FERNANDO MUSLERA - 'SALTY'

It's a shame that you can only have one goal keeper on your side at one time. I mean two at once would be hilarious!

Never seen in the same room as actor Theo Rossi. 

Before stepping onto the field Fernado likes to throw salt over his left shoulder for good luck. This is actually quite dangerous because he's moved up to hurling 1 kilo bags. 

He can hear the drums, there's no need to ask. 

TERUKI HARA - 'OCH AYE JIMMEY'

Don't pass to him (0 stars), don't let him attack (1 star) but somehow if he does get the ball, Teruki is difficult to take from. 

Unlike his Scottish accent which is an act, the hair is real. 

Often relating war stories to rookie players which is strange when he's never served in the military and he's not much older than they are. 

When playing Magic the Gathering, he likes to play with a Black and Red deck. 

Claims to have inspired Ed Sheeran's 'Galway Girl.' We're too afraid to ask. 

YUSSUF POULSEN

Top marks for defending. Does a great defence make a good offence? Has Gridiron now flowed into soccer? Gah, I don't know. 

Prefers to measure things in micro cubits.

Has a PHD in mixology. 

Favourite book is a railway timetable. 

Can outrun most Shetland ponies when he has a head start.

Fond of giving hearty slaps on the back. This wouldn't be so much of a problem if he kept it to his own team and didn't constantly invade the pitch to do this when not selected to play. 

JASPER TER HEIDE - 

At the time of writing has had 468 minutes of play time. Unfortunately it doesn't explain if this is playing soccer or behind the wheel playing the Easy track on Daytona. 

Knows a fantastic recipe for ragu and will explain it to you when you least expect it. 

Once saved a burning building from four children.

Takes the role of Defender literally and when not on the field, wears a cape everywhere he goes. Quite possibly a playboy billionaire in disguise, we've never checked. 

SONDRE TRONSTAD - 'GRINNY MCGEE'

There are 15 Super rare versions of this card available in Sorare. None of them feature him smiling. 

Isn't faster than a speeding bullet but given the chance, could probably out drink one. 

His uncle invented disc brakes for kids tricycles. 

Voted best in class. We don't know for what or even which class he's referring to but apparently that information will become available when we pay him more. 

SO THERE'S THE TEAM, NOW HOW DOES THIS GAME WORK?

Ahh...I'm still working that out actually.

When I remember to log in, I blindly stumble across the actual soccer playing part of this game where I have to pick a team of five and...uh hope? Because I'm assuming they get points for every goal and Tanzanian Uppercut but there's no reporting system anywhere I can find so even if one of the players has a meltdown and urinates on an official, well I'll never know. 

I mean what doesn't help is the fact that I tried to load up three games without picking a captain and wondered why I didn't score any points every time I logged back in. I mean there's probably a tutorial somewhere but this is me and you know I like to fudge my way though things like this. 

Right, after all that - can I have an NFT please?

Want to check out Sorare and maybe try out a team yourself? Here's a referral link that rewards us both (or something.) Enjoy!