Not all tools are created equal and I should know as I've owned some pretty awful ones over the years. And while this truly average DIYer has thrown out plenty of cheap and more often than not now broken examples out over the years, somehow the really useless stuff keeps finding a way back into my collection. So let's open the double doors to my little shed here and discover the truly bad from the decidedly average here.
THIS SIZED ALLEN/HEX KEY
Okay if a allen/hex key less than half this size is usually called for when putting together various sized bed frames, exactly what bastard type heavy machinery are you hoping to tighten or loosen the hex bolts on with this thing? Aside from a set of wheel nuts on my old 1991 Toyota Soarer that had a slightly larger opening than whatever this thing fits in, I can't even guess where this might come in useful.
Worse, if you do fit something that fits I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that leverage and strength are two things that are going to be in short supply. Given how big and undoubtedly strong the bolts are going to be that need something this size to crack loose - well you're not going to do that with your fingers unless you've got some cutting edge cybernetic replacements there or super strong hands.
It's a decent weight to throw at critters in your shed though although you'd want something heavier if you're planning to do that to a shed intruder.
TRAMPOLINE SPRING PULLER
There are two tools that mysteriously go missing right when you need them - anything 10mm including wrenches and sockets and this, a very limited tool that helps you stretch springs to build a trampoline. I know this because I haven't used it since the first time we unboxed the kids trampoline quite a few years ago and we haven't seen it since every time the tramp needs to be setup or pulled down again.
I don't think it was all that useful the first time around either come to think of it. It was Christmas Eve, all I wanted to do was going to bed but my wife insisted we put together the trampoline first as a nice Santa related surprise for the kids.
Well the surprises came pretty quickly, wait I mean the frustrations in using this thing. Yes that's it, the frustrations. Because the springs slipped off this idiot idea more times than I've had hot means and twice I managed to punch myself in the face trying to stretch springs towards me. Now I'm tired and I've got a sore face.
Gah, what a nightmare.
WALLET MULTI TOOL
Either a seemed like a good idea at the time Aliexpress bargain or something I got for fathers day from a school stall years ago but either way, it's never been used because I'd only ever use something like this in the direst of emergencies...and that hasn't happened yet. Also at no stage have I ever debated with myself over 'Well I could walk 10 meters to the shed to get a real tool or I could fish this baby out of my wallet..'
The other issue I had was forgetting it was in my wallet and setting off a few metal detectors at Melbourne Airport with it accidentally. Then come the questions and the concerned looks from security although if you deserve a medal if you could kill anything but your own dignity wielding this fearsome weapon. Funnily enough, this is the second wallet shaped multi-tool I've ever had - the first one was donated to the place I was staying at after all the unwanted attention I got attempting to fly the friendly skies with it.
Like I said earlier, these bad tools, they keep coming back..
BOTTLE OPENER RING
A gift you give someone when you have no idea what to give someone and they once mentioned that yes, they can use tools occasionally with a minimum of blood loss. Up there with my tiny hammer that also comes with beer bottle opening capability - when I finally finish a tiring, messy and sweaty job and go to celebrate with a beer (or five), looking for a hilariously bad tool opener is the last thing on my mind.
I've met some very handy people in my time, people that could make MacGuyver nod in approval at their antics and none of them, I repeat: none of them ever sported a ring that could open bottles.
(Although my brother in law Trev did once sport a pair of thongs with bottle openers built into the base - the good thing about them was the fact that you didn't know they were there until he showed you..)
Like the multitool above, this has never been used. Actually come to think of it, it's probably rare that any of these gimmicky tools ever are..
FINALLY, THIS PARTICULAR FEELER GAUGE
It's help gap spark plugs and valve guides on mowers (which didn't help in the end really) but silly me also left it outside on more than one occasion to find it in it's current and mostly useless condition. It's my own fault really, take care of your tools and all that and now I face the interesting challenge depending on which gauge I'm looking for - behind the rust and the gunk, is that 0.005 or 0.050? Where did .001 go? Also how much level does the rust provide?
Luckily they're cheap and easily replaceable, also luckily I haven't had to gap spark plugs for quite some time but I'm sure I will again one day..
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