We can hit the road today!
(Once everything else is done..)
It's a late launch on the first day of our intrepid road trip due to a few reasons:
-I've got to go back to our old rental house to wedge the side gate open so the electricity company can read our meter and finalize our account. The reason I'm opening up the gate myself? The last time they came around they looked at the closed (and visibly unlocked) gate and decided opening was too much work and delayed connection by a couple of days. I fully expect delays this time around with the gate wide open and the connection box draped in neon signs saying 'this one.'
-We've got to hand the keys back. Even after spending hundreds on professional cleaning and gardening, there is apparently still things that need attending to. But I figure we'll deal with that when we finally stop driving.
-We're staying at a downtown hotel while they cleaned our house and as we're wrapping up our last day, I end up helping a woman in her underwear get back into her room after locking herself out. As much as you think this part of the story should start with 'Dear Penthouse, this never happens to me...' all I did was go to reception and get them to send someone up. I'm sure this happens a lot in all hotels.
So now our 9:00AM launch time is just after noon. Okay, better late than never on day one..
WHERE'S THE PLUG?
The kids have portable DVD players, a handful of DVDs and some movies I put on SD cards for them to help chew through the hours. But of course there's only one cigarette lighter power adapter between them. Our first argument breaks out about where the other one could be, which box, who packed it etc. Ultimately only one unit gets used the entire trip.
WHAT'S THAT SOUND #1?
We cross the border without incident (while watching the long long line of cars trying to cross the other way, from NSW into Queensland) and a mere thirty minutes down the road, we get our first clunk.
'What's that sound?' - My wife
'I'm not sure?' - Me fearing the worst
It happens on every major bump, a sound like something is throwing itself on the drivers side front wheel with mad abandon and fearing a shredded tire in no time flat, we pull over to the side of the road where I deduce (incorrectly) that it's the slightly broken inner wheel lining slapping against the rubber at high speed (and thankfully not a broken spring.) I tuck the plastic away as best as I can and this solves the noise temporarily, until the next one arrives in short order..
WHAT'S THAT SOUND #2?
'WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
Wait, what is that?
'WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
Oh for fu-
'WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
Something in the engine bay is whistling and it doesn't sound good - a cross between a steam train and an industrial strength vacuum cleaner. And while we originally think it's random, we soon work out that it's when you put your foot down. Oh good, has my turbo now just eaten itself before we even start? We better get someone onto this before the entire engine suddenly decides to eject itself out of the bay sideways when we least expect it (knowing our luck..)
DRIVING A WHAT NOW?
We pull into the nearest town (Woodburn) and consult one of the two mechanics there for some possible help. A stressed Mick Taylor ala Wolf Creek looking mechanic comes out of his workshop to explain he's got no time, he hasn't had lunch and after taking one look at the war wagon, tells me 'Yeah no, can't help with that one' before explaining that he's the only mechanic in town (even though Google tells me that's not the case.
So we ring the other mechanic listed who tells us he's flat chat helping someone else who has broken down. Best bet? 'Contact the NRMA roadside assistance mate, they could help.' Even though my membership is in Queensland and this problem is in New South, they can still assist. So we park the car next to the lake (which isn't listed in any system according to the lovely lady from NRMA when we call) and we get some fish and chips from the Woodburn fish and chip shop while we wait.
WELCOME TO WOODBURN
A shoutout to the bored kids of Woodburn who enjoy scenic bike rides by the lake and hurling creative insults at each other like 'Broken, like your dreams.' That's pretty deep.
'LOOK, I'M NOT CERTAIN..'
-The roadside mechanic taking a look under the hood shortly after she arrived.
However while I gave it some revs to try and reproduce the horribly sound while she watched on, another problem quickly became apparent. 'Dad, there's black smoke coming out now!' Thanks Jackson! Far out, could this get any worse?
So during the recent service, two out of the three drive belts were replaced. And since my wagon hasn't had a long drive in quite sometime, the mechanic suspected the oldest belt was starting to slip causing the hyperactive vacuum sound. Unhelpfully this was the one around the water pump and alternator so best not to risk it at all all. She also suggested turning off the aircon to reduced the load on things, effectively eradicating the reason why we were taking the wagon in the first place. 'Don't push it hard, don't take off hard, go slow, keep one eye on the temperature gauge the entire time. Oh and maybe update your level of cover?'
The smoke? My thoughts were on a split oil pipe to the turbo (or a seal) and I wasn't about to spend hours in Woodburn pulling it apart to take a look. So $300 later to get the best level of roadside assistance (just in case) and we were back on the road to continue on, only with a few new rules:
-No boost
-No hard acceleration
-Pull over as soon as we suspect something not working or a belt going 'Snap'...
-Don't try to overtake anything
CHANGE OF PLANS
We were aiming for Tamworth, we got to Coffs Harbor instead and decided to call it a night after an exhausting first day, ending up at the Windmill Motel just as it started to belt down with rain.
(While the windmill sit down restaurant part is closed due to Covid, they can still cook up a feast for room service and we highly recommend the carbonara - awesome!)
Oh did I mention my car doesn't like the rain either?
Up next - Day 2, Angry Tradies and the meat vending machine.
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