This whole public holiday on a Thursday (Queen's memorial 2022) has thrown me for a complete loop. I woke up this morning feeling like it was a Monday. I managed to completely miss the freeway exit I needed and proceeded to drive another twenty five kilometres before realising. And during my mid week day off, I witnessed one of the greatest toddler meltdowns in human history.
It's been a big couple of days.
IT'S FRIDAY ISN'T IT?
The alarm went off, I looked at it stupidly. Nothing new there really but the confusion was magnified by the day off the day before, so it was no wonder I felt like I was starting a brand new week with zero energy.
The zero energy part? Well I'll get to that in a moment. Suffice to say I have a visiting family limit and the gauge this week was well and truly overflowing within hour number 3 of 24..
THE AFL GRAND FINAL IS STILL GOING
Look, I'd like my beloved Richmond Tigers to be part of it (again) but I'm still a big fan of the last game of AFL each yeah for the buzz of the day. Having been in the crowd for one of them many many moons ago (Swans VS Eagles 2005) I can tell you the atmosphere at the MCG where it's usually played is nothing short of electric - walking into that crowd mid roar (and that was just the pre-game entertainment) makes you feel like a triumphant gladiator at the Colosseum having slaughtered twenty five wild lions, three barbarians and a slave with a trident and net.
But I still love it just as much on a screen at home. Especially when you load up on good food and drink beforehand and make yourself comfortable. It doesn't matter who's playing either, when there's an action packed back and forth type of clash, it's brilliant and there I am yelling at the TV the entire way.
(The last time Richmond found themselves in a Grand Final, I found a nice red to enjoy during the match. Amazingly it only lasted two quarters before it completely ran out of grape juice..)
Tomorrow it's Sydney versus Geelong and while sadly I still haven't bought myself a BBQ yet (or resurrected one off Gumtree like this effort a few years back), I'm thinking a big day of beers, pies and hopefully very little commentary from the mother in law. (The father in law won't be saying much if there's beers and pies to enjoy.)
My prediction: Sydney to win (but only just) with Buddy Franklin winning the Norm Smith medal, even though he really didn't do me any favours in my Supercoach team this year.. (actually that was Scwatta's tip from the show this morning and not knowing too many players on either side, that's good enough for me.)
THERE'S A ROAD GOING SOUTH
And had I used Lazy Susan, the name I've given to my phone's GPS app then I may have actually taken the right turn off in time. But no, today while listening to the Dollop blue toothed to my car system I really didn't want it interrupted so I gave Susan the hour off.
Unfortunately I was so engrossed by the episode of Frank Sinatra touring Australia (and tired after another busy Friday) that I missed the turn off to Rutherglen and didn't figure it out until a decent distance down the track. So it was a case of turning around at the earliest convenience and then moving the Slowbaru like lightening to catch up with the family for lunch.
I made it minutes before my steak sandwich arrived (luckily they didn't wait for me to order...)
A big shout out to the second hand bookstore - Tapsell's Books and Music, which I could quite happily spend hours perusing the shelves of. Sadly I didn't have hours but I was chuffed to find a couple of White Dwarf magazines, something I read as a teenager - so expect a flashback post about them pretty soon.
WHERE'S THE SAUCE?
So with no effort on my part (aside from marrying into the family) I've gathered quite the collection of nephews over the years and four of them fronted up for a brief stay on Wednesday night to Thursday Afternoon. For the sake of this story, let's call them (in order of age) D, M, C and L
D is in his teens, M can't stand C, C riles M up, L being the youngest wants to be a part of everything and doesn't like it when he's excluded from anything. And when you put D, M, C and L in the same room and throw in my own kids J and S into that mix, well that's when I compare the noise levels to a pair of Thunderscreach's fighting for air superiority.
The world's greatest meltdown came from only one of them this time around but with enough roaring energy to really make up for the obvious lack of numbers.
Before they went home, I figured it best to whip up a quick and easy lunch for them in the air fryer consisting of kid fan favourites - nuggets and fries. And it was when L reached for the sauce for his nuggets that the fireworks began to burn their way through the ceiling.
Because L doesn't just have tomato sauce on his nuggets, he likes to drown the entire plate in the red stuff to the point where anything else be it chicken, potato or salt can't be seen or unearthed without a well seasoned dive team. And because there was just enough sauce left in the only bottle we had to compliment a party pie, well that wasn't good enough. L spat it so hard, I wondered if was destined to coach an under performing AFL team for the rest of his life.
I've got kids, they've had tantrums and meltdowns aplenty - but this was verging on the apocalyptic.
There was screaming, there was tears. There was wailing and gnashing of teeth and his face went as red as a beetroot. He stomped the floor, he thumped the table and flat out refused any attempt we tried to explain that we're not magicians and can't conjure up tomato sauce out of thin air. Somehow you can't eat anything dino nugget related unless it looks like the entire plate has been freshly massacred and drowned in gore.
In fact the mother in law added some water to the sauce bottle dregs to eek out anything left, pouring out the mix on a nearby plate - which served to only infuriate him more (if that was even possible) over the poor sauce substitute.
Boy oh boy was I tempted to take the plate and Frisbee the contents across the back garden to see if the birds cared for the supreme lack of tomato sauce covering. But no, I let him scream the house down while I wandered off - wondering how long I could spend hiding in my shed for a moment's peace before someone sent out a search party.
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The nuggets and the last tomato product in the house remained on the table while the crew were bustled into the car for the drive home and I'm really hoping his mum, my SIL, didn't give into his demands on the way home for more nuggets and a bucket of sauce for the ride.
And while it's a long way off, boy oh boy do I have a story to tell at his twenty first birthday... (I reckon I might now what will be on the menu for the big event too.)
Wow, am I worn out. Bring on the weekend, please.
-Almigo
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