Monday, August 25, 2014

10 random thoughts of an old car owner..

As a car owner of nothing past the year 1994, these are thoughts I have often. Can you relate to any yourself?

Friday, August 1, 2014

OMG! 10 celebs you won't believe aren't actually related!

You might want to bulk buy some industrial strength aspirin for this one as I'm about to cause some massive headaches for the entertainment industry. Prepare to be completely gobsmacked...

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Forget cars, games and beer - today we review tea. PART 1

Today I am reviewing tea. Yes tea. Now before you scoff 'How the mighty have fallen' and 'Almigo you have obviously sold out to the all mighty tea dollar', there is a reason why I'm reviewing tea and it has something to do with my brain...
Do try it!

Monday, July 21, 2014

I have the look of a career criminal and drive the car of a felon. Allegedly.

I got pulled over this afternoon just meters from home for a license check. The good news is that I'm not the brazen criminal the local police force are looking for! Huzzar!

I look like this only without the cigar. Or the class.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

My followers on Twitter want me to lose the kilos..

I use Twitter for three things mainly:
1) To spy on workmates
2) To plug my wise words on this site
3) Pretend I'm professional.

Real like a parking fine.

What I have never used Twitter for:
1) Guides on how to lose weight
2) Weight loss guides
3) Somewhere to go when I want to FIND OUT MORE ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT. NOW.

And yet for some strange reason, every second follower of mine has the following in common - an awful inspirational or poetic bio (stolen from somewhere else), a picture that's someone other than them and a recent post about losing weight. Or a retweet of someone else posting about losing weight.

Twitter...are you trying to tell me my bum looks big here??

Monday, July 14, 2014

Trust me, I think I can fix reality TV..

Lets face it - the current crop of reality TV is pretty a photocopy of what we were doing last year, which in turn was a photocopy of what we were doing last year (and so on and so forth). It's either lose weight, singing, dancing, talent displaying, cooking, building, dating, trying your hardest not to stab anyone while stranded on an island or not get hideously lost while racing around the planet. 
We've been there, done that, wash rinse repeat year in, year out. Yes I know it works and you build fan bases and loyalty and other things that equal the slightly-different but pretty-much-actually-the-same series rating well but come on TV executives, time to really light a fire under audiences before I throw a brick through my telly for the next season of Australia's Got Biggest Block Master Kitchen Dance Love Rules.

What do you reckon audience, give him a chance?

Luckily if you are a TV producer looking for the next big idea, allow me to help you as only I can..

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Help! The machines are trying to talk to me!

I was just replying to my 2765th work email of the day when my mobile went off displaying 'Private number'. When this happens, it's usually one of three possible callers - a) My mum b) the boss or c) that damn Hotel I stayed at back in 1998 that still wants me to sign up to their loyalty program where I get a free mint on my pillow for every $100 I spend, regardless of the fact that I haven't set foot in the place since 1998.

Rated 5 stars in Dirtbag Reviews

No this time around it was from Skynet. Whoops, I mean my local telecommunications service. And after it was over I'd have much rather have chatted to the machines hell bent on John Conner and all humanities destruction...